“Under siege over sex harassment claims, Cuomo offers an apology… ‘I now understand that my interactions may have been insensitive or too personal and that some of my comments, given my position, made others feel in ways I never intended,” Mr. Cuomo said in a statement. ’I acknowledge some of the things I have said have been misinterpreted as an unwanted flirtation. To the extent anyone felt that way, I am truly sorry about that.’” — New York Times, 2/28/21
“How to Succeed (In Gaslighting)”
How to — apply an unwanted hand;
How to — make an unwanted advance;
How to — jerk off behind a desk;
How to — dictate lawyer-written apologies;
How to — develop an alibi;
How to convince her that she’s wrong
With a little song,
With that leery smile.
This book is all that I need:
How to — how to — succeed in gaslighting!
“A Secretary Is Not a Sex Toy”
Be good to the women you employ, boy;
Remember, no matter what
Sexual innuendos you’ve got,
A secretary is not… a sex toy.
No, my boy, not a toy
To give shoulder massages and playfully back against walls
In search of some puerile (penile) joy.
No, a secretary is not (though she is hot)
Definitely not, a sex toy.
“The Company Way Is to Hug Me from Behind”
You’ve been in this office a long time, haven’t you?
A long, long time. I think I should hug you from behind!
You’re such a hard worker, a valued member
Of this team, so I hope you will always remember
The company way is to hug me.
“Coffee Break (Monogamy Is Boring)”
If I can’t spend my coffee break,
Asking my staff if they partake
In boring old monogamy.
Or if they’d like to sleep with me,
My growing boner shrivels and dies.
“I Believe You Misinterpreted”
It may embarrass you to hear me say it,
But you misinterpreted, misconstrued when I said:
You have the cool, clear
Eyes of my ex-wife;
Yet there’s that upturned chin (ass)
And that grin of impetuous youth.
Do you like older men?
How about a bite of my Italian sausage?
Oh, I believe you,
I believe you misinterpreted (that’s just how I talk to friends).
“Brotherhood of Denial”
I never propositioned anybody,
These claims do not make sense.
Why do these women make such claims
At my reputation’s expense?
New York’s in need of leadership,
So, please, don’t turn me in.
Remember moderate to severe workplace flirtation
Is not a mortal sin.
“The Company Way Is to Hug Me from Behind (Reprise)”
I apologize for the company way.
I’ll try to keep my jokes at bay
Since you seem to feel ill at ease
With my attempts at levity
So for anyone felt that way
I am truly sorry (that you are so PC).
“Cinderella, Darling (Please Don’t Report to HR)”
Why treat the man
Like he was a Covid carrier?
Don’t you realize
You’re a fairy tale, distracting me from doing my job,
A symbol of divine — government leadership?
So if not for your sake,
Please, darling, don’t report to HR for mine.
Don’t turn down the 63-year-old prince
Why spoil our enjoyment?
You’re blowing this out of proportion.
I’ll bury you like I did those nursing home numbers,
You’ll be on glorified unemployment.