“I was watching video of people fighting on the street in Washington. A group of Trump guys surrounded an Antifa kid and started pounding the living shit out of him. It was three against one, at least. Jumping a guy like that is dishonorable obviously. It’s not how white men fight.” — Tucker Carlson in a leaked text to a producer at Fox News (New York Times)

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Silently comparing dicks at urinals

Hostile takeovers

Chest to chest, lots of shouting, making a big show of being led away by girlfriend before a single punch is thrown

Sulking in silence until SOMEBODY’S ready to say, “SORRY

Drawing pistols at dawn, noon, and sunset

Recklessly overpaying for a social media platform


Banging your best friend’s girlfriend

Writing a hit country song about that bitch who left you for your best friend

Taking subtle digs at neighbor’s lawn-mowing technique

Ghost pepper challenge

Taping Larry Lester’s buns together

BLAME AND CLAIM: blame the victim, claim victimhood

Mano-a-mano (in the comments section of an article about the winners of the Westminster Dog Show)

Arm-wrestling like in that Sylvester Stallone movie, maybe one of them eats a whole cigar??