I, Sterling Mulbry, the current tenant of Apartment 6, hereby wish to renew the lease of said apartment for another twelve-month period. While it was gracious of you, my landlord, to raise my rent only by 45 percent, an increase of $1,500 per month, I am proposing to keep the rent as is by offering the following concessions:
- I will clean the entire building for free on a weekly basis. Specifically, I will sweep, mop, and shine the hallway floors like an adult Annie.
- I will guard the mailboxes and put my life on the line to ensure no package is stolen, riffled with, or mistakingly taken by an incorrect resident.
- I will physically fan each resident during the hot summer months in order to cut electricity costs.
- I promise to stop complaining about the mice infestation in my apartment. I have come to enjoy their company and surprising quirks. You won’t hear a peep from me again about hiring an exterminator.
- I guarantee that you will stop receiving noise complaints about Apartment 5 from other residents. I will cut all wires in their sound system and soon they won’t be causing any more disturbances.
- I will embrace the hole in my ceiling that appeared after the torrential rains last fall. Instead of making you, my landlord, fix the gaping hole, I’ve decided to view it as a fun skylight and save you the time and money of fixing it.
- I will eliminate any illegal pets I see in the residence. Not in a murder way, but in a forceful rehoming way.
If the terms and conditions above are not followed by me, the resident of Apartment 6, the landlord shall have the right to immediately sell all my furniture and possessions and keep the profits.
Upon agreeing to the above, the landlord shall keep the current rent at $3,500 for Apartment 6. As a reminder, Apartment 6 is a 350-square-foot studio apartment in a sixth-floor walk-up with no laundry in the building and no door to the bathroom. This is noted in the contract not to shame the landlord for increasing the unit’s rent to $5,000, but to make sure the landlord is not confused about which unit is up for renewal.
This contract is binding and upon signing below, both tenant and landlord acknowledge that Apartment 6 shall remain with the current tenant. If the landlord is wavering on which decision to make, the tenant is willing to name their firstborn “Landlord” in honor of said landlord.