Acne: “Stop complaining it’s not that bad. Once I had a huge pimple right on my face!”

Broken nose: “Maybe if you would go outside and get some fresh air, your nose wouldn’t hurt so much.”

Allergies: “It’s just a phase.”

Asthma: “That’s impossible, you can’t be born with it. You get asthma because of your surroundings; it only occurred because you live up here in New York. If the winter’s weren’t so cold and gloomy, then you would be fine.”

Broken arm: “Is it really worth it to take painkillers? Think about the endless list of side effects. I mean sure you won’t have to endure the throbbing pain of a broken arm, but you run the risk of getting a rash.”

Concussion: “It’s a disease of the mind, so you just need the brainpower to will the concussion away. Stop using your concussion as an excuse to be lazy and antisocial.”

Broken foot: “Are you really going to waste money on buying crutches? Just walk it off.”

Ebola: “Are you kidding me! People like us can’t get Ebola. It only occurs in Third World countries that don’t have hand sanitizers.”

STDs: “ Maybe if you didn’t hang out with those kinds of people, if you didn’t wear those kinds of clothes, then you wouldn’t deserve this.”

Cancer: “You can’t possibly think about having surgery to remove your tumor. I mean, just think logically about it. Would you rather get professional help to live the rest of your life cancer-free with the unimaginable cost of gaining an ugly scar on your stomach, or just deal with having cancer for the rest of your life?”