What are your biggest strengths and weaknesses when delivering Kung Pao chicken to an apartment on Manhattan’s upper west side?
How do you handle stress and pressure, while still managing to artificially butcher American English pronunciation and grammar?
Tell me about the last time a co-worker or customer got angry with you. Was it because of your pocket protector or the athletic tape on your plastic frame glasses?
What was your toughest decision in the last six months, which still allowed your sister to keep her honor, even if it involved murdering the white man who sexually assaulted her?
Tell me about the last time you had a disagreement with your Sifu. How did you resolve it without getting your ass kicked by a twenty-seven-year-old dude wearing a white wig, fake white beard, and puffy white eyebrow glue-ons?
In five years, where do you see yourself holding your triad meetings where you can berate your disrespectful son who won’t give up his white girlfriend?
How would other people in the dimly lit forensics lab describe you when you analyze fluid samples on the mass spectrometer, essentially solving the case for the white detectives who get all the credit?
Why should we hire you, when the USS Enterprise has so many other minority crew members to shield us from diversity complaints, serving captains Archer, Pike, Kirk, Decker, Harriman, Garrett, and Picard?
What do you consider to be your biggest professional achievement? And did it help your mystical tenets about inner peace and serenity ironically guide the white protagonist to victory in the final fight scene?
Describe a difficult situation you had in which you charmingly saved the beautiful female lead character from a gruesome death. Specifically, how did you keep the relationship frigidly platonic?
What can we expect from you in your first three months of lusting after the female lead while receiving wedgies and getting verbally bitch-slapped by the quarterback in sixth-period phys ed? By the way, the quarterback is the likable hero of the story.
Unfortunately, you’re not a fit for this position. But if you can you refer any white friends who would be interested, CGI is really good at adding Asian facial features.