The way Madonna need the Kabbalah / The way Skee-Lo needed more royalties from “I wish I was a li’l bit talla” / That the way I need Allah.


The way today’s hardworking AIDS researchers need tissue / The way a drunk Joe Namath wantshh to kissshhh you / That’s how I need Vishnu.


The way the Bush camp needed to find some WMDs / The way Scottish tourism needs the Hebrides / That how I need various “kami,” nature deities.


The way the troops need to come home from Basra / The way my friend Terry’s dad needs his ’96 Mazda / So, too, do I need a Mazda, except I am of course referring to Ahura Mazda, the single supreme god of Zoroastrianism.


The way the Red Sox need the curse of Babe Ruth / The way Abraham Lincoln needed Booth / That’s how much I need a deity of any sort / That is to say, not very much at all.


The way a Kennedy needs Cape Cod / The way iTunes players require an iPod / And the way Bill Cosby needed Phylicia Rashad / That’s how I need God.