“The Pentagon significantly escalated the federal response to the immigration enforcement protests in Los Angeles on Monday, mobilizing a battalion of 700 Marines and doubling the number of California National Guard troops in what officials described as a limited mission to protect federal property and agents, even as President Trump described the situation as ‘very well under control.’”
— New York Times
We all know the protests in LA are turning violent. Even our SWAT teams are scared they might get hit with a STOP FASCISM banner.
We won’t get into the ethics of how we “shouldn’t be sending green card holders to El Salvador without due process.” Let Congress deal with that. That’s not what this memo is about. This memo is about restoring LAW and ORDER. This memo is about AMERICA. This is about how our National Guard doesn’t feel SAFE.
To quote Fox News, “Look at it out there, it looks like a third world country.”
We need to address a serious national issue: Our agents and military personnel, wearing tactical armor and equipped with weapons straight out of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, are scared, and this sets an ominous precedent for future urban uprisings.
What’s next, people demanding to see warrants before their doors get kicked in? Wanting congressional oversight before drones patrol city parks? Are ICE agents supposed to pause every time a grandma gets tear-gassed for standing too close to a vegan food truck?
I even saw someone on TV holding a sign that said NATIONAL GUARD LOL. Next, they’ll start saying MARINES LOL or even AMERICA LOL. Our DEMOCRACY is getting threatened by these protesters expressing their First Amendment rights.
Frankly, the LAPD is too woke to shoot tear gas at children anymore, SWAT teams are hesitant to deploy tanks over yoga studios, and even some ICE agents hesitate before knocking down doors. It’s a slippery slope!
That’s why we need to send in Megatron and the Decepticons to stop the UN-AMERICAN LA riots.
Megatron doesn’t care about “civilian casualties” or “constitutional rights.” He’s too busy WINNING. While our so-called leaders are stuck writing sternly worded social media posts, Megatron is out there blasting obstacles into morally ambiguous dust.
He leads with laser cannon energy, not diplomacy. You think he’s going to “seek bipartisan consensus”? No. He’s going to level the library and call it conflict resolution.
Say what you will about him enslaving planets, at least he’s technically nonpartisan. He’s not pro-Trump, he’s not pro-Biden, he’s just anti-human. That’s the kind of neutrality America can respect.
And, naturally, Megatron needs backup. A two-thousand-ton war machine with a fusion cannon is barely enough to dent the willpower of a drum circle. We need the rest of the Decepticons, too.
Soundwave can hack into protester group chats and replace their “mutual aid” spreadsheets with “Back the Blue” dubstep remixes. BOOM. Morale shattered.
Starscream is the obvious choice for airstrikes without congressional approval. He’s fast and desperate for validation—just like half of Congress, but with wings.
Ravage, the robot panther, is built for crowd control. You think a K-9 unit is scary? Try a mechanical jungle cat with glowing red eyes and no leash laws.
Best of all: Decepticons can’t be defunded. They run on raw Energon and generational resentment, not taxpayer dollars. You can’t audit a grudge that spans galaxies.
Now, we know what you’re thinking: The Decepticons are war criminals from another planet! Well, maybe, but OUR war criminals need backup.
Or perhaps you’re thinking, Isn’t Megatron trying to conquer Earth? Maybe. But at least we’ll have a leader who will follow through.
Protesters say, “No justice, no peace.” Well, that’s fine because Megatron offers neither. Decepticons aren’t here to negotiate. They’re here to restore order (and harvest our resources, but that’s Phase Two).
The Decepticons don’t negotiate. They enforce compliance and suppress dissent, keeping us all SAFE (until Phase Two).
Choose America. Choose civil obedience. Authorize Decepticon deployment NOW!