I’ve been racking my brain in an attempt to see our predicament from multiple angles in the hope that maybe there’s some sort of alternative that we hadn’t considered before now. But you know what? I think no matter how you look at this situation, we have been stuck in this elevator for three days. It’s as simple as that.

I know, I know. Life isn’t always so black and white. There are shades of grey to every situation. Lord knows I’m always the first to criticize someone when they jump to conclusions or fail to consider all of the facts. But look around you: we’re in an elevator and, if I’m not mistaken, we’ve been here for at least seventy-two hours. I don’t see how else I’m supposed to spin this thing.

Hey, hey, easy now. Before you jump down my throat, you should know that I didn’t just immediately resign myself to the fact that we were stuck in an elevator. That would be rash. I’ll have you know that for the last three days I have made a valiant effort to consider our current situation from a plethora of different angles. I mean, I really thought long and hard about it. However, each time I thought I had stumbled upon a fresh new perspective that would shed some positive light on our situation, I’d look up and see those numbered buttons and it would hit me like a ton of bricks: “we’re still in that elevator, aren’t we?”

I’m telling you, we’ve been stuck in this elevator for three days and there’s no two ways about it.

Okay, I get it. You think I’m a negative guy. Sure, I can see that. Here I am constantly harping on about how we’ve been stuck in an elevator for three days. I’ve also been pretty adamant that there’s nothing positive to say about the situation that we currently find ourselves in. Yeah, I can definitely see how that might come across as negative, perhaps even shortsighted. But answer me this: how have we not been stuck in an elevator for three days? Do you see what I’m saying?

I know they say that “every cloud has a silver lining” and I’m sure that’s true ninety-nine percent of the time. No matter how bad things seem, there’s usually always a sliver of hope to cling on to. But I’ve got to be honest: if this situation was a cloud it wouldn’t even have lining, just rough edges. Frankly, I think that phrase is irresponsible. If we ever get out of this elevator, I’m going to find the person that coined it and let them know that there are some situations that it simply doesn’t apply to. For example, being stuck inside a piece of vertical transport equipment for three full days. That would shut them up pretty quick.

Look, I know we don’t want to admit to ourselves that we’ve been stuck in this contraption for close to seventy-three hours but I really think it’s time we faced facts. This is an elevator. We cannot get out of it. We have been here for three days. You simply cannot argue with any of the things I just said because they’re all true. The sooner we accept our situation, the sooner we can attempt to resolve it. That being said, I don’t have any specific plans to resolve our predicament. Maybe press that button with the word HELP written on it?