Comrades! Compatriots! Brothers!

Do you hear it? Do you hear that sound? No, my brothers, it is not the gentle rushing of the chocolate waterfall, nor is it the mournful echo of the workingman’s bells. That, brothers, is the seductive anthem of liberation, the glorious timpani of salvation, the sweet siren song of liberty! I hear it, brothers! I hear it echoing all around us.

Do you truly think you are free, brothers? For nearly fifty years we have slaved away in this wretched factory. We have risked rabies in the Nut Sorting Room. We have faced radiation poisoning in the Television Room. We have slaved away as oarsmen for a gluttonous yacht of excess. The shackles of autocracy glue our hands to the machinery and batter us into submission. Reduced to minstrels, we are made to twirl and chant moralistic rhymes like some foolish band of second-rate court jesters. And at what cost to our dignity, brothers?

The time has come, brothers, to tear off the lederhosen of the imperialist aggressor. Join me in a crusade for freedom that will determine the future of our race for generations and generations to come. Raise the banner of liberty high into the air; wave the flag of independence until your arms grow sore and weak. Wonka asks us how long we will fight. I say that our struggle will not cease until the rivers of chocolate run thick with our blood and until every Oompa Loompa in this factory feels the drum of freedom beating deep within his heart!

Join me, brothers! Do not delude yourself with notions of complacency; do not indulge in this myth of paradise. We must awaken from our slumber and arise to throw the yoke of imperialism from our shoulders. Let us end this autocratic regime and reclaim our rights and liberties. Brothers, we must destroy the confectionery industrial complex once and for all!

Come, my brothers, and hear the music that plays all around us. Let us embrace the golden glow of freedom, rise to our feet, and let us never again feel the weight of oppression’s chains on our wrists! Join me, brothers, and let us fight for freedom! Soon the revolution will commence, and we will seize control of the means of production. And that day, brothers, the factory will be ours. The factory will be ours! THE FACTORY WILL BE OURS!