We are looking for a person to run our exclusive neighborhood group for upper-income residents in downtown Chicago. You will be responsible for weakening morale, making the group members unhappy, and causing general chaos.

If you’re a dedicated member of the community looking for a group where you can make a difference, this job is not for you.

Necessary Qualifications

  • 10-15 years of an uneven temperament
  • Irrational when discussing dog poop
  • Proficient at cultivating a toxic environment
  • Passionate about alienating everyone around you
  • Proven ability to cause and escalate conflict
  • An obsession with absolute power

Preferred Qualifications

  • Unlikable as described by your peers
  • Has disposable income for expensive Starbucks drinks but morally bankrupt
  • Fluent in both aggression and passive-aggression
  • Majored in Drama from an Ivy League university
  • Previous experience as a dictator of a small country strongly preferred

Primary Job Duties

  • Oscillate between friendly and terrorizing
  • Pick sides depending on your personal biases, incomprehensible caprices, and mood of the moment
  • When there’s a problem among members, add more rules
  • Create fear by ruling in an undemocratic manner
  • Suppress freedom of speech by deleting members’ posts
  • Throw out members that dissent from your opinion


  • None except everyone will hate you

Contact Us

Apply via Facebook Messenger. Provide a disturbing history of your interactions with other Facebook members. Endorse the idea that you have a history of tumultuous relationships combined with authoritarian tendencies, thereby making you the ideal candidate.