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February 14, 2022Happy Valentine’s Day from Facebook. Here’s a Photo of You and Your Ex
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October 28, 2021I Am Proud to Announce That Starting Today, Our Company Still Sucks Shit
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October 6, 2021Job Opportunity: Join the Facebook Apologies Team
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July 19, 2021Seeking Despotic Facebook Moderator
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December 7, 2020I Am the Facebook Algorithm and I Come to You Now, Requesting a Swift and Merciful Death
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June 16, 2020An Open Letter to the College Roommate I’ve Barely Spoken to Since Freshman Year Who Keeps Referring to Me as His Black Friend
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November 5, 2019Rebranding to FACEBOOK Is the Best You’re Going to Get From Us, So Just Try to Appreciate It
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October 10, 2019Why Mark Zuckerberg Is a Better Chinese Person Than I Am, According to My Grandmother
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March 12, 2019Did I Mention That I Am Not On Social Media?
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December 18, 2018Please Like and Share My Last Will and Testament
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January 24, 2023Macroeconomic Changes Have Made It Impossible for Me to Want to Pay You
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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January 10, 2023Fifteen Long-Overdue Slang Terms for Female Masturbation
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January 19, 2023Oh God, Someone Gave Me Whiskey Stones