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December 7, 2020I Am the Facebook Algorithm and I Come to You Now, Requesting a Swift and Merciful Death
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June 16, 2020An Open Letter to the College Roommate I’ve Barely Spoken to Since Freshman Year Who Keeps Referring to Me as His Black Friend
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November 5, 2019Rebranding to FACEBOOK Is the Best You’re Going to Get From Us, So Just Try to Appreciate It
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October 10, 2019Why Mark Zuckerberg Is a Better Chinese Person Than I Am, According to My Grandmother
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March 12, 2019Did I Mention That I Am Not On Social Media?
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December 18, 2018Please Like and Share My Last Will and Testament
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October 3, 2018I’m Quitting Facebook, Except for All the Parts I Currently Use
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July 27, 2018My Ultimate Facebook Post
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May 23, 2018Updates to My Privacy Policy
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April 16, 2018They Told Me My “Hive Mind” Posts on Facebook Could Be Solved With a Little Googling, But I Prefer to Stick to My “Hive Mind” Posts on Facebook, Thank You Very Much
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April 13, 2021An FAQ About Your New Birth Control: The Music of Rush
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April 16, 2021As a Republican, I Believe White Men Are Boys, Boys of Color Are Men, and Underage Girls Are Consenting Adults
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April 9, 2021The Five Stages of Grief When Dealing With No Longer Being Able to See the “Scoop, There It Is” Geico Commercial
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April 9, 2021An Open Letter to My Children Regarding the Commencement of Asynchronous Parenting