New email:

FROM: Stephen K. Bannon
SUBJECT: Hi Brian, please add me to your LinkedIn network

Hi Brian, I’d like to join your LinkedIn network.

Stephen Bannon
Shadow President
Washington D.C. Metro Area

Accept View profile
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Mr. Bannon is a results-oriented professional with experience in website management, preying on the hopes and fears of the working class to cement white supremacy, and MailChimp.

He’s searching for new opportunities with forward-looking, progressive organizations – particularly opportunities to sabotage and destroy them. However, cannot work for South Asian CEOs, Mexican Americans, or anyone with a family connection to the US intelligence community. Willing and eager to relocate to the Moscow/St. Petersburg area.

3 Mutual Connections:
You and Stephen both know Dick Cheney, Darth Vader, Satan.


“It’s a stunning thing that a white supremacist would be a permanent member of the National Security Council.” — Nancy Pelosi

“It would not be appropriate for me to comment on every appointment that the president-elect starts making if I wanna be consistent with the notion that we’re gonna try to facilitate a smooth transition.” — Barack Obama

“If he’s not antisemitic what do you have to do to be considered antisemitic? Shoot Woody Allen?” — Peter Mehlman, writer and producer, Seinfeld

Please do not contact most recent employer for recommendation

Featured Skills and Endorsements:

Endorsed by Paul “Petrov” Manafort and 62 million others

Endorsed by David Duke and an unsettlingly large number of others

Web Design
Endorsed by Breitbart and Russia Today

Formal Attire
Endorsed by Bobby the Vagrant on H Street


1 Runner-Up in the National Popular Vote

1 Muslim Ban (pending litigation)

0 legislation – which was intentional


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New email:

FROM: Stephen K. Bannon (via LinkedIn)
SUBJECT: Stephen K. Bannon’s invitation is waiting for your response

Stephen K. Bannon invited you to connect one week ago

Accept View invitation
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New email:

FROM: Stephen K. Bannon
SUBJECT: My Résumé

Mind looking over for any edits? Oh, and did you see my LinkedIn thing? Just updating to keep everything fresh. No reason.