“So a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim walk into a bar…”

“Stop, stop, stop!”


“That’s not funny.”

“But I haven’t even done the joke yet.”

“Yeah, but it won’t be funny. There’s nothing funny about Jews and Christians and Muslims going places together, especially bars. Try something else.”

“OK… a lesbian and a tattooed millennial walk into a bar…”

“No, no, no!”

“What’s wrong with a lesbian and a tattooed millennial? You don’t even know where I’m going with this.”

“I don’t need to know where you’re going. If there’s a lesbian it won’t be funny — lesbians have never been funny. And millennials are super sensitive about their tattoos. Anyway you need to stop writing jokes about people in bars. Bar jokes are done. They’re just not funny anymore.”

“But all kinds of people go to bars. It’s a great place to put people from different backgrounds.”

“In real life, maybe, but not in jokes. Just put the joke someplace other than a bar.”

“OK… two guys are sitting on a park bench”

“Much better!”

“And the one guy says to the other guy…”

“Wait a minute — are they gay or straight?”

“They’re straight”

“Good. Are they Christians or Jews or what?”

“They’re atheists”

“Even better. This is going to be so funny now. I can feel it. OK, go ahead and make the joke.”

“Two straight atheists are sitting on a park bench…”

“Wait, it’s not a playground park is it?”

“What does it matter?”

“Two straight guys in a playground? Are you nuts? People might get the wrong idea; they could be pedophiles or something and there’s NOTHING funny about pedophiles.”

“Alright, alright… two straight atheists are sitting on a park bench near a winding path with no children in sight…”

“Good, good, go on…”

“…and the one guy says to the other guy…”

“Oh my God!”


“I forgot to check, are the guys black or white?”

“They’re white, OK? Two blindingly white guys who only like women and don’t believe in God who’ve never even thought about messing with a kid, or going anywhere near a playground, are sitting on a park bench trying to make a fucking joke…”

“Whoa! You can’t say fuck anymore. Fuck’s not funny.”

“Since when?”

“Since last year, I think. It’s misogynistic or something. Just don’t say it.”


“What? What are you waiting for? Go on, make the joke.”

“No, I lost it.”

“Ah, don’t do that. You’re getting all stiff and tight — just loosen up and make the joke. Don’t over think it.”

“OK, here’s a different one, though. A bone-head comedian meets a politically correct asshole for a cup of coffee…”

“Now that’s a good set-up. You’re really getting the hang of it now!”

“You think?”

“Of course! Assholes are the funniest people alive!”