I didn’t forget, France! I didn’t forget how you turned your back on America when we needed you the most! To help us invade Iraq and destabilize the entire Middle East! You think I went back to calling them French fries, like some Benedict Arnold? I’m still eating freedom fries, freedom toast, and scalding hot freedom onion soup and I bet it drives you frogs up the wall!

My love for America doesn’t stop at renaming French foods. I rename other foods, too! I don’t remember Thailand sending troops to die in Iraq, so, excuse me, libtards, if I have a big, steaming plate of pad freedom for dinner.

Mongolian BBQ? Freedom BBQ.

German chocolate cake? Freedom chocolate cake.

Korean/Mexican tacos? Freedom/freedom tacos.

Turkish delight? Freedom freedom, because freedom is a delight.

Look, we told these countries that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, and even though he didn’t, the whole world should’ve taken our word for it! That’s why I’m still snacking on freedom peanuts and freedom sausage, to make Spain and Poland wish they’d joined the Coalition of the Willing. And, yes, Spain and Poland both did join the Coalition of the Willing, but you could tell they weren’t into it as much as we were!

Which reminds me: I feel like California wasn’t into the Iraq War either, which is why when I get a California roll from a sushi place, I order a freedom roll instead. Just kidding, I’ve never eaten sushi.

This is hard for me! Peking duck used to be my favorite food! Now, when I get Chinese food, I have to order the freedom duck. But that’s a sacrifice I gladly endure because I love the USA. And I’ll say it: Every person who called them “Freedom fries” even one time but later went back to calling them French fries is a traitor and should be executed.

Personally, I think it’s time to Make America Taste Great Again. #MATGA