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June 5, 2012The Puppet Brothel
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February 13, 2012My Wife Critiques My Plan to Quit My Job and Write the Next Horror Franchise
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May 9, 2011Clucky’s Fried Chickinjections Food Truck
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September 22, 2010Come Join Our Prayer Group-Slash-Cheese Tasting-Slash-Orgy
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March 26, 2010Cinderella Story Miscues
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November 24, 2009Macy’s Balloon Task Force Holds Post Parade Press Conference
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August 11, 2009Excerpts From Induction Speeches Into the Taxidermy Hall of Fame
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March 13, 2009Marvel Comics Backs Out of My Publishing Contract
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November 11, 2008Q&A With the Head of My Carpool
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October 14, 2008The Economic Crisis Hits the Markson Family Monopoly Board
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July 16, 2008Field Notes on the Arctic Tern
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March 3, 2008Observational Notes for the Veterinarian Regarding My Dog Hank
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November 23, 2021Post-Dinner Interview with a Twelve-Year-Old Who Sat at the Grown-Ups’ Table for the First Time on Thanksgiving
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September 2, 2021Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks
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November 20, 2019I Am a Trader Joe’s Parking Lot and I Am Here to Destroy You
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November 18, 2021Draco Malfoy’s College Recommendation Letter That I Totally Don’t Feel Conflicted About Writing Whatsoever