You’ve probably watched a press conference, during which a public figure addresses a crowd of cameras and onlookers. If so, you may have noticed nicely dressed men and women standing in the background, nodding along to whatever is being spewed forth. These people might be friends and family members of whoever is speaking, but mostly they are employees paid, among other things, to give the illusion of acquiescence.

Are you facing a public appearance during which you must convey a point of view that is controversial or silly? Have you recently been accused of a crime, and the allegations are so factual that public outcry against you is building? We can help. Our organization is devoted to providing a professional and pandering Nodding Posse to assure crowds that yours is the correct opinion on the matter. Studies show that speakers who utilize our Nodding Posse are forty percent more effective in convincing an audience of their point of view.

We don’t just tip our heads back and forth to imply agreement. At Nodding Posse, we have patented a special nod that combines pursed lips, dilated pupils, a proper stance and a suspension of critical thinking. The speed of a nod is key. Nodding too fast implies guilt; nodding too slow, disbelief. At Nodding Posse, we nod at exactly twenty-four nods per minute, lending credence to whatever you say, no matter how batty it might sound inside your head.

Maybe you are a professional athlete who was recently pulled over for driving whilst intoxicated with a Bentley full of women, none of whom were your wife, who was home at the time of your arrest, pregnant with your twins. When you tell the cameras you were not drunk, but instead had an allergic reaction to your bee sting medication; and that you only offered a ride to the girls when their car broke down, and who became partially unclothed when the vehicle swerved on account of that bee that was stinging you—we’ll be there behind you, nodding along at twenty-four nods per minute.

Perhaps you are a politician bankrolled by a seedy real estate developer, and you are running on a campaign to bulldoze parks and orphanages to build prefabricated strip malls from questionable materials out of one of those countries that would not mind building a nuclear weapon if they had the wherewithal. The voters may not like it at first, but our metronomic nodding will inspire ignorance, and ultimately, conformity.

Or maybe you are just a very wealthy, very lonely mogul of some persuasion, who has difficulty obtaining friends or dates because you are so rich and successful you cannot possibly accept an alternative point of view; we are metaphorically nodding to your plight. You deserve, and can afford, your own battalion of wing-people whose only duty is to agree with your warped eccentricities.

Our professionals are available to nod by the hour, week or lifetime. No matter what your dilemma, give us a call today. Chances are, we’re already in agreement with you.1

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1 Additional charges may apply if our nodders are expected to fight for what they are actually nodding about; nodding is subject to termination depending on how much trouble you are in, or how unruly the crowds they are nodding in front of tend to become.