The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Louie Aronowitz
Louie Aronowitz is an award-winning writer, performer, and musician. He is very annoying, speedruns old Nintendo games, and one time stole Hans Zimmer’s lunch. Please hire him.
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December 23, 2024Job Posting: Team Leader for the Maccabees
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July 31, 2024Lesser-Known Goals
of Project 2025 -
June 14, 2024Trolley Problem Variations for Dads
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February 13, 2023Candy Heart Messages After Elon Musk Buys Sweethearts for $44 Billion
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June 29, 2022First Drafts of Classic Movie Quotes
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March 22, 2022First Drafts of the Greatest Opening Sentences in Literature
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October 22, 2021Actually, Sandworm Attacks Have Only a One Percent Death Rate
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May 7, 2021Gregor Samsa’s DIY Mother’s Day Gift Ideas
Trending 🔥
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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October 11, 2006Back from Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail and Discovers That His Bid for Tenure Has Been Denied
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
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January 27, 2025Executive Order: We Must Stop Everyone from Transitioning, So the President Knows Who to Grope
Recently
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 10, 2025A Note from the Contractor Working on Robert Plant’s Ambitious Home Remodeling Project
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February 7, 2025More Politically Neutral End Zone Slogans for the NFL
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February 7, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Martine Syms