Lists

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Send your list submissions to lists@mcsweeneys.net.

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Example Sentences from My Sixth-Grade Grammar Book
by Tim Bubar (9/23/2002)

Band Names Proposed by My Stepbrother Who Sometimes Believes He’s Peter Criss of Kiss
by Jon L. Fine (9/23/2002)

Names New Agers in Santa Fe, New Mexico Have Given Themselves
by Ranee Zaporski (9/23/2002)

Frequently Asked Questions at the Office
by Kurt Shriner (9/23/2002)

Stay A While: Articles in Back Issues of Parking Today
by Steve Delahoyde (9/23/2002)

Actual and Made-up Adages Used to Promote the Consumption of Pork
by Megan Peterson and Sarah Garb (9/16/2002)

Rejected Dialogue for the Chinese Psy-Ops Officer in Pork Chop Hill
by Greg Knauss (9/16/2002)

More Titles of Résumés Posted by Job-Seekers on a San Francisco-Area Website
by Tony Cross (9/16/2002)

Actual Entries from the Scots Dialect Dictionary
by John McMurtrie (9/16/2002)

Things I Learned about My Spanish Teacher During Intensive Lessons in Which We Can Only Speak in Spanish
by Matthew Johnson (9/16/2002)

Online Reviews of the Shockwave Bowling Game
by Shawn Bruce (9/9/2002)

Mnemonic Devices to Help You Remember How to Spell “Mnemonic Devices.”
by Rick Larsen (9/9/2002)

Shakespearean Character or Prescription Drug Not Covered By My Blue Cross/Blue Shield Plan?
by Michael Ward (9/9/2002)

Everything I Need to Known I Learned from Spam
by Julie Landry (9/3/2002)

All of Chewbacca’s Dialogue in the Comic Book Version of The Empire Strikes Back
by Brian McMullen (9/3/2002)

Crayola Crayons Included in Its New Hollywood Box
by Josh Abraham (9/3/2002)

Bored, I Search Google for “Luke Is.”
by Luke Rosa (9/3/2002)

Actual Soap Opera Recaps, 1996-2002
by Liza Daly (9/3/2002)

Vocabulary Words We Learned by Playing Dungeons & Dragons
by Marc Newman and Pat Hall (9/3/2002)

Military Acronyms That Are Also Men’s Names
by Laura Golembieweski (8/12/2002)

Things NYC Cabdrivers Yelled at Me While I Crossed the Street
by Jeff Hurlock (8/12/2002)

Papa Was a Rolling Stone
by Donald Illich (8/12/2002)

Names I’ve Been Called as a Little League Umpire
by Aaron Hotfelder (8/12/2002)

Local TV Weatherman or Porn Actor?
by Chris Strauss (8/12/2002)

Scientific Journals Available Electronically at the Mt. Sinai School of Medicine
by Dorothy Gambrell (8/5/2002)

Lessons Learned from My Study of Literature
by Sean Carman (8/5/2002)

Terms Used in an Office-Supply Catalog to Describe Placements of Tabs on Manila File Folders That Could Also Describe Political Ideologies or Sexual Preferences
by Stephanie McNutt (8/5/2002)

Films about Tough Jews
by Adam Weitz (8/5/2002)

Actual Responses by My Fourteen-Year-Old Japanese Students to the Prompts “In the Future, I Want to Be…” and “Because…”
by Brook Crawley (8/5/2002)

Review Headings of New York City’s Bliss Spa
by Gloria Fallon (7/29/2002)

The Graffiti of Minneapolis
by Keith Pille (7/29/2002)

Women with Whom Klaus Kinski Has Had Sex, According to His Autobiography, Klaus Kinski: I Need Love, in Order of Mention
by Jacob Jost (7/29/2002)

Actually Heard on the New York City Subway/Never Heard on the New York City Subway
by John Parsley (7/29/2002)

Businesses in Sydney, Australia Beginning with Mr. or Mister
by Marko Mustac (7/22/2002)

Partial List of Items That Cannot Be Legally Mailed to Canada from Other Countries
by Chad Stevens (7/22/2002)

Things My Friend Fabio Said Recently
by Jocelyn Carscallen (7/22/2002)

Subject Lines from Co-Workers’ Goodbye Messages after Getting Laid Off Recently
by Stacey Herron (7/22/2002)

Actual Items Described in Published Articles as Being “the Toughest Nut” or “the Toughest Nut to Crack.”
by Amy O'Leary (7/22/2002)

Contents of Stockton, California’s Sesquicentennial Time Capsule
by Patrick Haddick (7/15/2002)

The Latest in Fake Meat Products
by Danielle Hess and Mickey Hess (7/15/2002)

Actual Misspellings of My Name by the Chinese Restaurant I Call for Pick-Up
by Cody Clarke (7/15/2002)

Questions Recently Answered on Yahoo!’s “Ask the Doctor” Website
by Victoria Owens (7/15/2002)

Papers Appearing in Science Magazine’s “Reflections on Self” Issue
by Jennifer Frazier (7/15/2002)

Terrible Fake Names
by Claire Zulkey (7/8/2002)

FTD Floral Arrangements Available to Express One’s Sympathy
by Sally Sax (7/8/2002)

Not Very Scary Movies
by Joshua Watson (7/8/2002)

Prom Themes Suggested Instead of “Under the Sea” When My Best Friend Told Me to “Think Outside the Box, Woman!”
by Amy O'Leary (7/8/2002)

Lines from the Unabomber’s Manifesto or Roxy Music’s “Manifesto”?
by Luke Rosa (7/8/2002)

Actual Brands of the Coca-Cola Company
by John Moe (7/1/2002)

Items Received during the Last Eleven Months at a Northern California Food Bank
by Bill Richter (7/1/2002)

Almost Rhymes With Orange
by Dan Kennedy (7/1/2002)

Third Quarter Employee Accident/Injury Report
by Rick Larsen (6/24/2002)

Appalled in Albuquerque: Recent Uses of “Appalled” in Letters to the Weekly Alibi, Albuquerque’s Weekly Newspaper
by Noah Masterson (6/24/2002)

Final Sentences of Essays I Wrote in College
by Brian McMullen (6/24/2002)

Keywords That Recently Directed Google Users to My Website
by Wes Ferguson (6/24/2002)

Selected Words from a Chinese-English Dictionary Published in the People’s Republic of China And the Sentences Used to Illustrate Their Meanings
by David Jaggard (6/16/2002)

The Wrong Mantras
by Dan Kennedy (6/16/2002)

Pre-1900 American Political Party or Music Group?
by Trey Kazee (6/16/2002)

I Am a Big Fan of the Following Westerns, and No, They Aren’t Porn
by Ross Barnes (6/10/2002)

Words Overheard in an Amtrak Dining Car Bound for Seattle
by Jonathan Fine (6/10/2002)

Actual Titles of Stephen Dixon Short Stories Used As Ice Breakers to Mixed Results (Punctuation Mine)
by Edward Weinstein (6/10/2002)

Actual Headlines from the March InStyle Magazine
by Claire Zulkey (6/10/2002)

Nicknames for Some of My Coworkers
by Lauren Spisak (6/10/2002)

Titling Movies
by Scott Southwick (6/10/2002)

Actual Names Entered into the Electronic Scorekeeper at Clover Lakes Bowling Alley, in Rochester, New York
by Cole Louison (6/3/2002)

International Equivalents: Cake Hole
by Aaron Stoker-Ring (6/3/2002)

Keywords to the New Home Page of the MIT Media Lab
by Sam Potts (6/3/2002)

Shoe-Lacing Methods
by Shane Wilson (6/3/2002)

Signatures Available from Print Shop’s Certificate Maker Program
by Megan Peterson and Sarah Garb (6/3/2002)

Suggestions from Baedeker’s 1878 Traveller’s Manual of Conversation
by John McMurtrie (5/27/2002)

Questions Most Frequently Asked by Bookstore Customers
by Kera Yonker (5/27/2002)

Potential Names for Christian Rock Bands Taken from Lines in Emily Dickinson’s Poems
by E.B. Dubreuil (5/27/2002)

Selected Speeches on the Theme of “Perfect Day,” as Summarized in the British Airways Japanese Speech Contest for Schools Program
by Greg Pallis (5/27/2002)

Music Industry Trends Not Yet Overexposed
by John Moe (5/27/2002)

Hardy Boys Novel or Death Metal Album?
by David Epstein (5/20/2002)

Signs on the Lawns of People Whose Lawns You May Want to Avoid
by Jon Crawford and Rich Michaels (5/20/2002)

Names Of Contestants in the Nashville Sunrise Assisted-Living Minnie Pearle Look-Alike Contest, Including How Each Contestant Fared
by Martin Schneider (5/20/2002)

Actual Books Probably Still for Sale on the One-Dollar Carts at the Strand Bookstore in New York City
by Ian Etra (5/20/2002)

Ways In Which the Midwest Express In-Flight Catalog Describes Shirts That Won’t Wrinkle
by Jules Lipoff (5/20/2002)

Actual Names for Quadruple Espresso Drinks Used by Locally Owned Coffee Shops
by Aaron Dallas (5/13/2002)

Genomes Other than Homo Sapiens Sequenced by the Institute for Genomic Research, in Rockville, Maryland
by Jennifer Frazier (5/13/2002)

Dialogue Spoken by Al Pacino During Pre-Production Character Development Exercises for Scent of a Woman
by Sean Carman (5/13/2002)

My Plans
by Arkadi Gerney (5/13/2002)

Rejected First Lines for My Personal Ad
by Aaron Lester (5/13/2002)

Bad Names for Boats
by Jim Ruland (5/6/2002)

Overheard at the Fall 2001 Microprocessing Development Conference, in San Jose, California
by Sarah Schmelling (5/6/2002)

Featured Menu Items at the Existentialist’s Café
by Elizabeth Miller (5/6/2002)

A Mint for All Occasions
by Robert Joe (5/6/2002)

Actual Film Titles Bought By My Cousin, Who Owns Twelve VCRs
by Jeff Hurlock (5/6/2002)

What Alexander Graham Bell Might Have Said If His Assistant Was One of My Cats
by Rob Silk (4/29/2002)

Names Given to the Daylilies Planted at Seattle’s Ballard Locks by the Puget Sound Daylily Club
by Arne Christensen (4/29/2002)

Of Presidents and Devils
by Martin Schneider (4/29/2002)

My Unabridged Vocabulary at Thirteen Months, Which, Unhappily, Foreshadows the Next 302
by Michelle Orange (4/29/2002)

Injudicious Uses of Exclamation Points in the Teacher’s Video Company Catalog
by John Warner (4/22/2002)

Selected Side Effects of My Recently-Prescribed Medication
by Dean Crownover (4/22/2002)

Actual Evaluations I Received from Students in My Analytical Chemistry Class
by P. John Wright (4/22/2002)

Things People Said to Me While I Worked the Front Desk in Lieu of “Would you throw this away for me?”
by Sarah Brown (4/22/2002)

What Was Asked of Jeeves, on March 5, 2002
by Dan Kennedy (4/22/2002)

Students’ Responses to a Quiz on McDonald’s, Presented as Evidence That I Might Not Be Cutting It As an American Culture Teacher at a College in Ningbo, China
by Chikako Kobaysahi (4/22/2002)

Murder Techniques Offered by the Killer-for-Hire in AC/DC’s “Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap.”
by David Eskola (4/16/2002)

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