Alternative Winter Olympics
by Dominique Ritter (2/12/2002)

How Many Members of Each of the Following Religions It Takes To Screw in a Lightbulb
by Matthew Prins (2/12/2002)

Tips from Jokes and How to Tell Them, Published in 1963
by R.J. White (2/12/2002)

As a Porn Movie Titler, I May Lack Promise
by John Moe (2/5/2002)

Actual Bullet Points from a Handout for a Philosophy Class on Consciousness
by Roblin Meeks (2/5/2002)

Actual Names of People Who Checked in to a Youth Hostel in San Francisco
by Suzanne Kleid (2/5/2002)

Excerpts from Letters to the Editor That Appeared Recently in The Paradise Post, a California Newspaper
by Dan Kennedy (2/5/2002)

A Minute-by-Minute Breakdown of My First and Only Call to a Psychic Friend
by Matthew Crouch (2/5/2002)

Items Discovered in Boxes of My Grandmother’s Things
by Aimee Agresti (2/2/2002)

Life Advice Gleaned from the Bliss Spa Beauty Catalog
by John Glassie (1/28/2002)

Dial 9
by Mick Wright (1/28/2002)

What to Say When Pretending You Grew Up Middle-Class and Not in a Housing Project in Brooklyn
by David Lewis Kennedy (1/28/2002)

Chapter Titles in Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick That Misleadingly Suggest Racy Content
by Ed Page (1/28/2002)

Quoting My Philosophy Professors Out of Context
by Jeremy Richards (1/28/2002)

Actual Usernames of Participants in a Recent Online Discussion of the War in Afghanistan
by Dan Kennedy (1/21/2002)

Tempo Markings in Wayne Erbsen’s Backpocket Bluegrass Songbook
by Ethan Hein (1/21/2002)

Less Popular Board Games
by Neil Chamberlain (1/21/2002)

Recently Overheard on Ray Bradbury Theatre
by Steven Luciw (1/21/2002)

How to Make Classic Chicken and Rice
by Gordon Haber (1/21/2002)

Comments Overheard in English Class Last Week
by Natalie Hope McDonald (1/21/2002)

Frequently Asked Questions
by Stuart B. Kelly (1/14/2002)

First Lines to Books I Won’t Write
by Jim Behrle (1/14/2002)

Eternia’s Legendary Homoerotic Figures
by Chadd S. Johnson (1/14/2002)

Catalog Headlines That Made Me Daydream of Big Success
by Dan Kennedy (1/14/2002)

Alternative Anniversary Gift Traditions
by Lindsay Roberston (1/7/2002)

Foods and Beverages That Are Bad for You
by Melissa Bell (1/7/2002)

Probable Locations of Trans-Dimensional Portals
by Neil Kelley (1/2/2002)

Tom Cruise’s Smile, Circa December 2001
by John McMurtrie (1/2/2002)

Actual Phrases Written between the 1/8" Wide Joints of a Field of 4″ × 4″ Ceramic Tiles Located above the Urinals in a Men’s Restroom
by Scott Ogden (1/2/2002)

Thirteen Ways of Looking at Mario Ernesto Rojas
by Carolyn Johnson (1/2/2002)

Actual Names of Online Poker Players
by Marc Gilutin (1/2/2002)

Actual Comments Written in the Customer Comments Book in Somerfield’s, a Supermarket in Galashiels, in the Scottish Borders
by Stuart B. Kelly (1/2/2002)

Words Used by My Grandfather in His WWII Diary to Denote Intoxication
by Elizabeth Ellen (1/2/2002)

In the Magazine Age
by Shane Wilson (1/2/2002)

Street Names of Some Common Antibiotics
by Bengamin Errett (12/17/2001)

Proposed Hobbies for My Friend Stan’s Mom and the Reasons They Were Scrapped
by Molly Woods (12/17/2001)

Last Names That Are More Common Than My Own, According to the Census Bureau
by Seth Kolloen (12/17/2001)

Actual Titles of Resumes Posted by Job Seekers on a San Francisco-Area Website
by Tony Cross (12/17/2001)

Capitalized Words and Phrases Appearing in the Official Sea-Monkey Handbook
by Amy L. Stender (12/17/2001)

Sentences I Wish I Hadn’t Written
by John Glassie (12/10/2001)

Actual Pull Quotes from Bob Greene’s Nationally Syndicated Newspaper Column
by Dave Reidy and Kevin Guilfoile (12/10/2001)

Spell-check’s Suggested Replacements for My Last Name
by Jill Gerber (12/10/2001)

Ineffective Ways to Subdue a Jaguar
by Elizabeth Butler (12/10/2001)

Actual Stories from American Window Cleaner Magazine
by Martin Schneider (12/10/2001)

Names Considered and Rejected by the Software Company “Cisive” While Looking for Something in the Style of “Teligent” and “Genuity.”
by Earl L. Humphreys (12/3/2001)

Roman Emperors of Questionable Mental Health, Or Leafy Green Vegetables?
by Jodee Rubins (12/3/2001)

All the Gerunds Fit to Print
by Dominique Ritter (12/3/2001)

Ten Poets Named Like Porn Stars
by Ed Page (12/3/2001)

Vanity Plates of Alaska: The Available, the Unavailable, and the Issued
by Amanda Toering (12/3/2001)

Character in Harry Potter Books, or Current U.S. Navy Rear Admiral?
by Geoff Brown (11/26/2001)

Titles of Unwritten Essays Jotted down While Living in Prague in the 90s
by Rachel Carpenter (11/26/2001)

Girls’ Names for Parents Who Wanted a Boy
by Kurtis Kolt and Wendy Underwood (11/26/2001)

Captions for a Cartoon
by Earl Wang (11/26/2001)

Descriptions of Omaha Beef Steaks That Are Meant to Be Enticing
by Gloria Fallon (11/26/2001)

The Art Gliner Punch Line Machine
by Catherine Zymet (11/19/2001)

What the Buddha Is Not, According to the Twenty Questions Computer Game
by Stephen Barber (11/19/2001)

Meatless Pop
by Jef Taylor (11/19/2001)

Educational Videos and Their Sponsors Available to Schools for Free from Video Placement Worldwide
by Andre Theisen (11/19/2001)

Ways One Might Describe the New Color of the Interior Walls at the Architecture Firm Where I Work
by Salli Beams (11/19/2001)

Alphabetical Resume Verbs as Memoir.
by Joey Fortuna (11/12/2001)

Thirty Things I Learned at My New Job at the Video Store
by Ali Davis (11/12/2001)

Children’s Games and Party Games Listed in Bartlett’s Roget’s Thesaurus That I Wouldn’t Necessarily Want to Play
by Melissa Hammesfahr (11/12/2001)

Marcel Duchamp: The Mix Tape Biography
by Dorothy Gambrell (11/5/2001)

Schoolyard Games for Unpopular Children
by Greg Knauss (11/5/2001)

Nine Words Probably Not Ever Found in Personal Ads
by Melissa Bell (11/5/2001)

World Capitals or Jedi Knights?
by Joey Fortuna (11/5/2001)

Objects Found While Bicycling on a County Road in Illinois
by R.L. Cagle (11/5/2001)

Names That I Call My Cat, Mr. Miles Caballero Del Gato, Aside from Mr. Miles Caballero Del Gato
by Shane Dickson (11/5/2001)

What People Said to Me upon Being Informed I Had Applied to Work in Antarctica
by Emily Cotlier (9/3/2001)

Things Customers Have Said after Asking Me Where All the Oprah Books Are Located and I Point over Their Shoulder, Saying, “Six o’ Clock.”
by Evan Robb (9/3/2001)

Entrants In The First Decennial Ordinal Film Festival
by Joey Fortuna (9/3/2001)

A Good Salesman Can Sell
by Dan Kennedy (9/3/2001)

Some Very Unpopular Mixed Drinks
by Rick Larsen (9/3/2001)

The Emperor Has No Cortex: One Hundred Percent True Quotes From My Former Hollywood Bosses
by Patrick Thomas (8/20/2001)

I Fainted
by Katie Hess (8/20/2001)

Actual Names of Racers in the United States Lawnmower Racing Association
by Colin Devinish (8/20/2001)

Pickup Lines That Went Unnoticed
by Ed Page and Stephany Aulenback (8/20/2001)

All I Remember from a Shelley Winters Biography I Read at Fifteen
by Michelle Orange (8/20/2001)

A Lesson Learned in Life… Known From the Dawn of Time: By My Recollection, the 25 Most Confusing Pantera Lyrics
by Chadd S. Johnson (7/9/2001)

Top Ten Favorite Movies List With an Entry That Reveals the List-Maker as Someone Only Pretending to Be an Assistant Professor of Cinema Studies at an Australian University
by A.S. Hamrah (7/9/2001)

Off-Season Transactions
by Sasha Issenberg (7/9/2001)

Lines of Star Wars Dialogue If Obi-Wan Kenobi Had Been Really, Really Depressed
by Greg Knauss (7/9/2001)

Actual Answers to Questions From a Reading Comprehension Booklet
by Mark Lovely (7/9/2001)

Updates
by Jason Adams (7/9/2001)

Members of a Los Angeles-Area Cheesecake Factory Wait Staff (Listed in Order of Appearance)
by Greg Knauss (7/9/2001)

A Dream Playlist for a Salt Lake City Golden Oldies Station
by Jon Casimir (7/9/2001)

Things I Have Had in My Nose, and If They Got There Intentionally or Accidentally
by Greg Knauss (7/7/2001)

Bad Sums That Equal Danger
by Rob Sears (7/7/2001)

Lines to be Relayed by a Servile Yet Dignified Waiter to an Interesting-Looking Woman in a Public Place
by Joe O'Neill (7/7/2001)

Responses from the Lady, To Be Relayed by That Same Servile Yet Dignified Waiter
by Joe O'Neill (7/7/2001)

Five Essentials of Success, as Posted in the Kitchen of an Actual Fast-Food Restaurant
by M. David Hornbuckle (7/7/2001)

Roles Played by Two of Our Most Ubiquitous and Unknown, Yet Instantly Recognizable, Movie and Television Actors
by Joe Lombardo (7/7/2001)

Drug-Culture Symbioses
by Nik Blahunka and Robin "A" Morast (7/7/2001)

Baseball Players of the 1980s Whose Names Are Still Available as Dot-com Addresses
by Dave Daley (6/10/2001)

Rating Key
by Charlie Galindo (6/1/2001)

Baseball Players of the 1980s Whose Names Are No Longer Available as Dot-com Addresses
by Dave Daley (6/1/2001)

Fun Snapple Tricks
by Jad Donohue (6/1/2001)

Philosophical Fast Food Quotations
by B.R. Cohen (6/1/2001)

Things I’ve Said or Overheard Said to the Monkeys in My Laboratory
by Daniel Engber (6/1/2001)

Cancelled Regional Morning TV Shows
by John Moe (5/12/2001)