Water to a drowning man.

A bottle of ketchup with holes poked in the side of it to a man in a white suit and gloves who is deathly allergic to salt, vinegar, sugar and tomatoes.

A wig on fire to a woman who’s natural hair is already on fire.

Little plastic models of 747 airplanes to a man who is frightened of small-scale replicas of commercial airliners.

Mason jars without lids filled with gasoline to the woman whose hair is on fire and who is also now holding a flaming wig.

Stains and rips to a man in stained ripped pants.

Artificially flavored, non-dairy creamer to a woman in a dress, who keeps talking about how she only drinks black coffee.

15,820 Oxford Pocket Italian phrase books to the residents of Denton, Texas.

Sandbags attached to elaborate pulley mechanisms used for testing automobile safety airbag systems to a child who is clearly not interested in investing in an automobile testing facility.

15.820 libri di frase italiani tascabili de Oxford ai residenti di Denton, il Texas.