Nice clothes retired to the back of the closet until parent-teacher conferences; elastic-waist pants moved to the front

“So, as it turns out, the funding for your great idea that I totally loved and promised to make happen didn’t come through, but maybe next summer you can write a grant…”

Epic photocopier jam

“I know he gave you all that trouble last semester, and the semester before that, and the semester before that, but he did specifically request to be in your class…”

Student cries in class

Colleague cries before a class

You cry after a class

“I forgot to mention at our first meeting that we’ll be reviewed by outside adjudicators this year, and they’ll be here on Monday.”

Promised a fire drill that never materializes

“Hi, I missed the first week of classes ’cause I was in Paris, did we do anything?”

Failed to remember that coffee is hot, is liquid, and cannot ride in a car without a lid at anything over ten miles per hour

“Can I have your phone number so I can text you if I have any questions?”

Text spam at 1 a.m. from student

Only book there are enough copies of for all of your sections is The Crucible

“I also forgot to mention at our meeting that they’re repaving the staff parking lot. It takes a week to cure each strip, so we can’t use it until November.”

A ninth grader asks for a college recommendation letter for her file. Says she wants it by November

“Can you mentor this new faculty member/this new student/this student teacher/this person who got the admin job you applied for?”

Epic “reply all” fiasco

Hundreds of free pocket calendars from a local insurance agency that no one wants now stacked in the assistant principal’s office, never to be moved until June

“I didn’t think I liked books, but after a week in your class, I think I want to write books! Will you read this five-hundred-page book I wrote last weekend? I didn’t even read it myself yet.”

Ham sandwich already molding in teachers’ lounge fridge

“Did you always look so tired, Miss?”

Mandatory Colleague Fun

Epic password fail

Can accurately and immediately state how many days are left in the semester/before Rosh Hashanah/until Christmas/until the last day of in-service

Nine messages from parents, four in favor of reading The Crucible, four against, one who wants to know why her kid is texting you at 1 a.m.

“Miss, are you weeping quietly to yourself? Is it ’cause my book was so good?”