Around halfway into my stay, I decided the only thing I wanted off the room service menu was bacon. If anything else was offered, I sent it straight back. Host obliged and only ate bacon for the better part of my visit. Would have been five stars if it weren’t for the three days (after a doctor’s checkup) my host attempted to eat salads.
This. Place. Is. Ahmaaazing! On-demand all-you-can-eat snacks — basically, anytime I asked for a snack, I got a snack. As far as I can tell, I am the first one here. Everything looks brand new. Host and I enjoyed yoga and had a lovely photoshoot in a field of flowers. Frequent naps. Did I mention the snacks?
There have been three people in here before me. The place was a wreck when I arrived. I was very much looking forward to jolting my host, Linda, awake in the middle of the night by kicking her stomach, but this place is so stretched out that she barely responds to sudden jerks. Linda also too busy taking care of tenants in her “outside home” to give me much attention. Have given host severe heartburn, so she is aware of my dissatisfaction.
Did Not Meet Expectations
I chose to stay in this womb for the duration of my visit based on the stellar recommendation given by its previous occupant, “my sister.” Her review stated that there would be “ample afternoon naps” and “ebullient conversations between host and her husband about how she was ‘now the size of a kumquat.’” I wasn’t once compared to the size of a fruit my entire stay. The only conversation I heard between my host and her husband was, “I don’t suppose you’d be interested in carrying out the rest of this pregnancy, Kevin!”
A Little Cramped But Cozy
Stayed here with my sibling. Started out nicely; however, over the course of our stay, we started to feel a little on top of one another. Maybe it was because it was advertised for one guest only? Shout out to the host for accommodating the last-minute addition.
It is not my nature to complain. I’m generally pretty content to stay balled up in a fetal position. I try not to bother anyone, other than the months of nausea and severe angry outbursts when I smell Kevin’s deodorant. But when I overheard my host say that this had “been the loooooooooongest 40 weeks of (her) life,” I no longer felt welcome and was forced into sending her into hours of labor pain.
Will Not Stay Here Again
Ever been in the back of an old van with no seatbelts and a bunch of second-hand band equipment rolling around in it? Well, welcome to my “womb.” Previous guests left the place in shambles. The host, Lisa, did feed me a lot of leftover mac and cheese, which I quite enjoyed.
Reviews were right! Great location and short commute (although a little tight) to my final destination: my host’s breast. Never want to leave!