Aristotelian Love – Your partner completes you.

Newtonian Love – There’s a strong attraction between your bodies.

Freudian Love – They’re the partner of your dreams.

Lacanian Love – You want them to want you.

Foucauldian Love – You like to discipline and punish.

Hegelian Love – There’s this whole master-slave dynamic.

Shakespearean Love – Sometimes you pretend to be other people in bed.

Joycean Love – Sometimes you see other people.

Arthurian Love – One partner is married.

Schrödingerian Love – On the verge of collapse.

Heisenbergian Love – Moving fast but you don’t know where it’s going.

Heideggerian Love – When you can’t be without your partner.

Homeric Love – You’re cousins.

Lovecraftian Love – Horrible and indescribable.