Aristotelian Love – Your partner completes you.
Newtonian Love – There’s a strong attraction between your bodies.
Freudian Love – They’re the partner of your dreams.
Lacanian Love – You want them to want you.
Foucauldian Love – You like to discipline and punish.
Hegelian Love – There’s this whole master-slave dynamic.
Shakespearean Love – Sometimes you pretend to be other people in bed.
Joycean Love – Sometimes you see other people.
Arthurian Love – One partner is married.
Schrödingerian Love – On the verge of collapse.
Heisenbergian Love – Moving fast but you don’t know where it’s going.
Heideggerian Love – When you can’t be without your partner.
Homeric Love – You’re cousins.
Lovecraftian Love – Horrible and indescribable.