Unique live/work opportunity for recently single MFA grad in later years of fertility

Live rent-free in our garage apartment overlooking a steely bay in exchange for light domestic duties. Looking for a woman who looks fetching in overalls to provide one or two beatific weekday hours encouraging my husband’s guitar ambitions without eye-rolling and taking jaunts to the downtown farmer’s market wearing my one-year-old like a baby kangaroo. Buy hard-neck garlic and branches of cherry blossoms and return home for baths and snuggly skin-on-skin time! Think symbiotic relationship of mutual fantasy: While you idealize my family life, I will drip coffee onto my blazer sleeve and watch with regret and longing as you write and look out at the moody bay. Maybe one person can’t “have it all” but together two people can!

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Sensitive “creative type” wanted for low-key, part-time, high-impact position opportunity at Zero Moral Turpitude Digital Agency

Our mission
We want to create clickbait-worthy, 360-degree brand platforms for MEANING that millennials will love. What is meaning? That’s why we need YOU!

About us
Our light-flooded office is a 20-minute leafy amble from wherever you live — work from home when it rains, during daylight savings time, and whenever you have all the feels.

About you
Do you have an erratic presence on social media? When painting a room, do you slap the roller brush around and hope someone else will take the detail work? Can you work independently without succumbing to the abyss? Then this job may be your jam.

About the job
Write sentences so shimmery the world no longer seems like the garbage can it is. No reporting or sense of plot required. The right candidate will love Café Grumpy’s less fruit-forward roasts and have zero idea what makes a story “go viral” but can talk about Wallace Stegner novels with a sense of urgency.

Generous benefits package includes: tarot readings, access to a minimalist Scandinavian cottage upstate, and the kind of water-cooler talk that feels like drinking from the stream of humanity. Pay commensurate with depth of feeling.

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Book editor seeks adventure-hungry she-wolf to drive lovingly restored 1976 GMC Class C Motorhome/RV stocked with natural almond butter and bottles of Bulleit from my Connecticut home to my other home, a glam mid-century hideaway in Joshua Tree

Must be willing to take a nonsensical, circuitous route and visit as many National Parks en route as possible. Gas included! The right person for this gig might be “avoiding” something, like the shackles of grown-up life or a personal realization that is pressing in like a trash compactor. Maybe she is running away from herself (an inherited concept of “success,” meth) or the law. Either works! Expect to collect postcards, strip down for moonlit skinny-dips in placid lakes, and get lost in the drippy woods while maintaining high mountain spirits. The right candidate has the ability to reframe “wasted” hours spent staring at the sky as essential pastimes for sorting through life’s detritus. Must possess a Kate Wolf-style contralto for campfire harmonizing and a desire for personal growth (e.g. ability see trip as a personal metaphor). Steamy love affair with a Kris Kristofferson-type trucker or taciturn trail guide HIGHLY PREFERRED. Personal revelation and lyrical writing are great, but please, only serious inquiries from writers who understand that sex sells.