Dear Claire,

Congratulations! The other day I saw something with your name on it (“wanted” poster?) and realized “There is a famous person named Claire Forlani.” (Supermodel?) I was bemused, because although I seemed to know this (WNBA player?), I couldn’t figure out why. (Actress?) I asked some friends and they confirmed that there is, in fact, a famous person named Claire Forlani (tennis player?) but no one seemed to know why. (Pop star?)

But there you are. Famous. (Russian gymnast?) I do remember that I think you’re very pretty (rescued POW?) and that you seem very nice (Jordanian royalty?) so at least you’re family isn’t embarrassed. (Disgraced teacher?) Are you foreign? (Freedom fighter?) That might help place you.

That’s really all I have to say. Congratulations on being famous. (Prime Minister of Turks & Caicos?) I just wish I knew why.

Your fan, I think. (Cosmonaut?)

Dina del Valle
Culver City, CA