Hey everyone —

Thank you.

As you know, I have lived with chronic depression for decades now, and it turns out that for all those years of therapy and meds and other forms of “treatment,” all I really needed was your unsolicited shared wisdom about how to cure my depression.

I write today to tell you that I followed all of your advice. And you were right. All of you were absolutely right.

Yoga did fix it. It was hard to get myself there because the relentless despair made it so difficult to get out of bed, but I followed your other guidance, which was “Just suck it up and do it!” and you would not believe how effective that was. It got me right up and into the yoga studio. As soon as my white yoga teacher forced a bindi onto my face and the person next to me ripped one, I knew I was going to be OK.

I’ve also been practicing gratitude and positivity, just like many of you told me to. It is so helpful to have people in my life who are willing to remind me what an ungrateful bitch I am and how good I actually have it. Brings me right out of the darkness. All it takes is someone saying, “Think positive!” and I wonder, where have these saviors been for my entire life of struggling with this severe mental illness? So now, when I’m crushed beneath the boulder of hopelessness and feel like maybe I should just end it all, all I have to do is think about how I have nothing to be depressed about and presto! I have a will to live. That’s all thanks to you.

Others of you told me to try turmeric. What a brilliant suggestion! And boy did I try it. I started with using it in my food but quickly realized that snorting it was a faster and more effective method of consumption to achieve the full benefits of not being depressed anymore. I’ve also been sticking some right in my asshole. I’ve had some itching and burning issues down there, but it’s so worth it to be freed from the clutches of my lifelong disease by a spice.

I mentioned recently that I was having a hard time with a few relationships, that it is very painful to lose friends, and that as a depressed and anxious person, it is difficult to let go of the worry I have about how those friends perceive and feel about me. I’m sure you all remember what you said, as it was so clearly a well thought out and genuine response, but I’ll remind you. You said, “Stop caring about what other people think.” BOOM. Lightning struck me.

“Stop caring about what other people think.” I rolled the words around in my mind, wondering why I’d never thought of this and why no one had ever said this to me before. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when someone tells you to accomplish it without having been asked. I stopped caring what other people think and it’s like I’ve been released from my dungeon of depression. It’s true! I just stopped caring! Because you all told me to. On the internet. For example, I used to worry that I should wear shoes to drop my kids off at school, but the great thing about not caring what people think is that I don’t have to wear shoes anymore. My kids are a little embarrassed, but what do I care? I don’t care what they think of me. I’ve also taken to pushing children out of the way whenever I feel like it because I’m sick of those little shits slowing me down. Other parents don’t seem to like it but I don’t care — that’s the kind of freedom I enjoy now.

Of course the most helpful advice I’ve received is to change my diet. People have suggested many different options to cure a disease I was diagnosed with 25 years ago and have been living with consistently ever since. Vegan, Paleo, Nothin’ but Nuts, and the one that has worked the best for me: The Raw Meat Diet. I only eat the rawest meat now thanks to your nutritional expertise. I’ve always loved animals, but I’ve realized that’s just part of my depression and the weakness it has caused in me, so I hate animals now and don’t feel bad eating them raw. As soon as I get a taste of that raw flesh I feel fortified. Strong. Ready for anything. Very, very ill. But I ask you, what is worse? Ending up in the ER a few times a week, or depression? I have cured my depression with The Raw Meat Diet, and I will spend as much time in the ER as I need to.

I will forever owe my life to you, and I hope to pay forward some of this life-saving, unsolicited advice.

With gratitude,