Angry Birds — Letters from the Front Lines.
It has been some time since I’ve had the opportunity to write you, perhaps seven or eight levels. The green pigs have fortified their defenses and there seems to be no end to this madness. They are an industrious lot who have remarkable construction skills in spite of their lack of arms or legs. They’re a formidable enemy but I still envision the day we can bring our eggs home safely.
Keep the nest warm for me,
My Dear Amanda,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. We have sustained significant casualties in levels 3-17 and 3-18. Those loathsome green pigs are starting to build their fortresses with stones now. Sergeant has ordered backup from those black birds that explode. I pray they arrive in time. I’ve seen too many of my brother red birds thrown against stone walls to no avail. I’m having trouble making sense of all this, Amanda. They tell me I can come home after we get three stars on 3-18. I would like to believe it’s possible, but my heart is heavy with doubt.
My Sweet Adeline,
Our fortunes have taken a turn for the worse this week. The enemy has now taken to placing boxes of TNT inside their own camps. Every night, I am haunted by visions of innocent green pigs senselessly killed by these horrific explosions. They’re using their own people as human shields, Adeline. What kind of god would allow such beastly, immoral acts? Sometimes I can’t help but think that hurling ourselves at the enemy camps is senseless, possibly even insane. But I am just a simple soldier, one of many birds that do certain things when tapped. I’m just following orders.
I will be with you soon,
SUGGESTED READSLetters from the Frontline: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Edition
by Sam Burnett (4/1/2010)
Call of Duty: Homeland.
by Josh Gondelman (12/9/2013)
by Peter Bebergal (10/23/2000)
RECENTLYWhy You Are Single: Let’s Do the Math
by Hannah Murphy (9/29/2016)
Monologue: I Wish I Had More Than Eight Minutes With a Patient to Show Him I Don’t Care If He Lives or Dies
by Bryan Duff (9/29/2016)
Key Ring Chronicles: Beaded Bracelet
by Katrina Sotiropoulos (9/29/2016)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/22/2016)
Our Tiny Home is Revolutionizing How My Wife and I Fight
by Daniel Carrillo (9/21/2016)
An Honest Intern Application Cover Letter
by Nick Hughes (9/19/2016)