From places of utter darkness, fitliest called Chaos, Angels ruminate on Colton Underwood’s rejection and confer of their miserable fall. Chris Harrison awakens all his Legions. They rise, their numbers, array of the Bronzed and the Brawny and Hellhounds. ABC comforts them with hope yet of regaining Love, tells them of a new Paradise and new kind of Romance to be created according to Advertising Dollars; for that these Contestants were wrongly spurned before was the opinion of many Social Media Followers. Pandemonium awaits.
Behold your contestants:
Faithful among the faithless. Will be a devoted partner to whoever scoops him up, but that doesn’t mean he’s afraid to speak his mind. On Season 6, he was the one who started that absurd fight with Satan.
You may remember him, the First of Men, as Eve’s partner. You may also remember when in Season 9 he wove a freaking Garland of Flowers for Eve (so romantic!), and she showed up having eaten from the Tree of Knowledge and devoted herself to literal Death (such a letdown!)
Second in power and second in crimes to Satan. Watch for him to create Chaos and Pandemonium. You may also remember him as the “Lord of the Flies” or “Chief of the Devils.”
Always avoids conflict because he’s lazy and his Instagram is still boring AF. Maybe this means he’s finally ready to settle down?
Reliably present. We think he needs a big personality to match him. Could Eve or Beelzebub be the one?
His short-lived relationship with his mom, Sin, produced their Hellhounds. Because of his difficult family background, group dates have always been awkward for him, but maybe this time he’ll be lucky enough to find true love.
She really knows how to stir up drama! On previous seasons, we’ve seen Eve flirt with Adam, Satan, Sin, Death, and the Son. She chose to leave Paradise back in Season 5 because she was unsatisfied, so we’re excited to watch this woman go after what she wants this season!
We know Gabriel has said in the past that he would only date a Christian, but we’re wondering how a date between him and Mulciber would go. Loved his turn as one of Adam’s angels in the Season 4 premiere.
Remember when he sexually assaulted Sin in the pool, leading to the birth of their son, Death? Some followers were wondering whether he’d be the next Bachelor, but he’s sure to make things interesting in Paradise!
She’s been knocked down so many times. First, she was born out of the top of the head of her father, Saran. Then, he assaulted her. But even though she’s a literal serpent below the waist, this woman has such a beautiful smile. She deserves to finally get her rose!
Not competing but returning as everyone’s favorite bartender. We stan the Son and his return to Paradise!
Mammon has a reputation as a golddigger, but hey, why else would he choose to appear on this reality television show?
The archangel with the dazzling smile. When he revealed that he could see into the future last season and told Adam and Eve what awaited them if they chose to stay together, everyone watching live was stunned! According to his ABC.com profile, he does want to find someone. Does he already know who that special someone is?
A real architect of Pandemonium. And after all his time in Hell, he’ll know to look gorgeous in the island humidity.
A horrid King besmeared with blood of human sacrifice… or the next King of the Beach?
Not always the most reliable, but proved he can be loyal when he showed up as one of Adam’s angels on Season 4’s premiere.
We recommend quirky Uriel try a date with Michael or Chris Bukowski. Either way, this season should be a wild ride!