The Pretend Friend But Really Just the Two Youngest People at Work Zone.
The Emotional Bully You Failed to Set Boundaries With and Now You’re In Her Wedding Zone.
The Technically Your Cousin But That Doesn’t Mean They Aren’t Technically Good Looking Zone.
The Neighbor Whose Wi-Fi (DjDaddy760) You “Share” But Have Never Met Zone.
The Matt, Your Cousin, Who You Used to Chase and Try to Kiss When You Were Little Kids But Now You Live In Different States and He Isn’t On Facebook Zone.
The Emoji Emotional Support Zone.
The Romantic Burned Bridge Who Remains Your Emergency Contact On a Truly Unknowable Number of Documents Zone.
The Little Armenia Kingpin Who Winks at You from Behind the Counter at the Deli On Your Block Zone.
The Zone Where Your Aunt Calls to Tell You That Your Cousin Matt is Moving to the City and Are You By Any Chance Available to Show Him Around a Bit and Of Course You Are and Does Matt Still Play Rugby? You Wonder.
The Anything Goes When You’re At a Music Festival! Zone.
The Total Tinder Chat Chemistry But They Live In Long Beach, Which May as Well Be Israel for How Unlikely You Are to Ever Drive There, Plus Your Cousin Matt Gets Into Town This Weekend Anyway Zone.
The Weed Dispensary Guy Who Invited You to Watch Him Play Softball and You Honestly Said Maybe Zone.
The Ex Whose Mom Still Sends You a Bible-Quoted Christmas Card Every Year, Less Because She Misses You and More Because She Still Hopes You Might Come to Know the Lord Zone.
The Technically Your Cousin Matt’s Mom is Your Mom’s Step-Sister, So You’re Really More Like Friends Who Grew Up Together and Now You Are Both Consenting Adults Who Actually, It Turns Out, Have a Lot In Common Zone.
The Anything Goes When Your Cousin Matt’s Long-Distance Girlfriend Sounds Like She’s Being Really Difficult and Un-Supportive Zone.
The Think About How Funny it Would Be to Already Have the Same Last Name, Just a Funny Thought You Were Having Zone.
The Inevitability of Two Bodies Moving Closer and Closer Until at Last You Lock Eyes and Silently Agree to Throw Caution to the Wind and Give In to Your Mutual Desires Zone.
The Matt Said He Felt Trapped (?) By You In the Uber and Wants to Make Sure You Both Know You’re Just Friends Zone.
The “Friends? You’re Not Friends, Hahahahahaha, You’re Cousins; You Can’t Friend Zone a Literal Family Member, Jesus Matt Zone.
The Anything Goes When You’re Studying Abroad! Zone.