6:00 p.m. Happy hour starts — plenty of loaves, fishes, and pretzel nuggets for everybody

6:03 p.m. Jugs of wine are finally tapped; everybody claims to be “one of the Twelve”

6:14 p.m. Drunk man at bar asks Christ to perform miracle; Christ declines

6:24 p.m. Bimbo from the steno pool foolishly orders a “Rusty Nail”; crowd gets quiet

6:31 p.m. Drunk man again asks Christ to perform miracle; Christ smiles, buys him a drink

6:40 p.m. Christ and St. Peter get into sloppy argument over who would deny whom three times

6:45 p.m. Drunk man insists on seeing a miracle; Christ visibly annoyed

6:54 p.m. Short-supplied bartender shows Christ gallons of Evian behind the bar; asks for a “little favor”

6:58 p.m. Pharisees show up and take over Karaoke machine

12:34 a.m. Drunk man staggers home; discovers leprosy