A hackneyed, masturbatory miscarriage of a story.
You have managed to coldly and persistently rape the English language for 17 pages. Congratulations.
The fact that this story exists is the ultimate argument against Creationism.
Your embarrassingly ineffectual and flaccid prose made me feel uncomfortable.
This smugly written tripe is an affront to the craft of writing and fails to meet even the most generous definition of adequacy.
Truly abysmal. Maybe singularly so.
You had some nice details.