“Just a sec” = 5 minutes
“Just a minute” = 10 minutes
“Pick your brain” = 17 minutes or, in rare cases, 90 seconds
“Quick chat” = 48 minutes
“No more than five minutes” = 1 hour
“End of day” = 2 hours after the delivery guy brings dinner
“Quick meeting” = 3 hours
“Deep dive” = in the time it takes to eat half a bag of baby carrots
“Exploratory” = only the intern knows for sure
“Brainstorming session” = the entire afternoon, but everyone involved gets to sneak out early
“Could use a hand” = 1 week
“Could really use a hand” = 1 week + the weekend
“Onboarding” = 3 weeks that felt 3 three years
“Stint” = 2-3 weeks
“Gig” = 3-4 weeks
“Boondoggle” = 1 month of hotel food and daydreaming at strange buildings
“Pitch in” = 1 month here and there
“Help out” = 1 month + 2 harrowing weeks
“Assist on” = 3 months + 1 month plotting an escape
“Build-out” = why those tech people make shitloads of money
“Ramping up” = must happen before the end of the fiscal quarter
“Gearing up” = really should happen before the end of the quarter, but don’t hold your breath
“Strategize” = don’t ask, don’t tell
“Cool little project” = 6 endless months
“Wonderful opportunity” = 8 months
“Interesting opportunity” = 2 years
“Immediate need” = still hasn’t been resolved
“Got my start at” = too long or too short to fully explain
“Job” = holy shit, has it really been X years?
“Current job” = 1 more year and then I’m out
“Career” = 15 years trying + 5 years coasting + 15 years wondering if all that trying was worth it + 5 years just sitting there, collecting a paycheck, fondly reminiscing about the coasting
“Let’s revisit this later” = never shall we speak of this again
“Loop back” = 50/50 chance we shall speak of this again
“ASAP” = unquantifiable