“No Negro Will Ever Be President—Not in the Next Hundred Years, Anyway, but Maybe Sometime After That, Say, January 2009 or Something” (December 1907)

“American Workers to Exchange Backbreaking Farm and Factory Labor for Leisurely Days Spent in Modern Cubicles Putting Numbers Into 81-Square Grid on a Magical Glowing Box” (May 1925)

“Next Generation of Sluggers Will Use ‘Super-Vitamins’ to Eclipse Home-Run Records” (April 1976)

“Resurgent Postwar Japan to Dominate America in Automobile Manufacturing, Electronics, and Restaurants Serving Uncooked Seafood Wrapped in Seaweed” (September 1945)

“Titanic Sinking Almost Certain to Trigger International Cinema Sensation, Screeching Theme Song, Within Next 90 Years” (May 1912)

“Diet Fad Will Move From Local Gyms to Nationally Televised Shamings Within 30 Years” (June 1982)

“Daguerreotypes Will One Day Be in Color; Will Feature Cats in Humorous Poses With Misspelled Captions” (January 1870)

“Starving Children of Bangladesh to Show Appreciation for George Harrison Concert by Stealing Your Kids’ Jobs in 40 Years” (August 1971)

“Scientists Discover That Bird Twitters Can Accurately Be Described in 140 Characters, Simultaneously Inform World That the Line for Coffee Is Really Long This Morning” (April 1972)

“Future Generations Will Remember Korean Conflict, If at All, as Backdrop for Television Comedy Series” (November 1953)

“Americans to Share 25 Random Thoughts About Themselves With Distant Relatives and Half-Remembered Classmates They Haven’t Thought About in Years” (March 1922)

“Failure of Modern Legal System to Properly Define Present Third-Person-Singular Form of ‘Be’ May Someday Cause Confusion Related to Presidential Impeachment Process” (April 1903)

“The Next Depression: No Breadlines, Less Unemployment, but a Lot More Bitching, for Some Reason” (January 1931)

“Top-Secret Defense Department Project Will Connect All American Homes to Worldwide Pornography Network, Not That We’re Into That or Anything” (August 1962)

The American Prognosticator to End Publication in Advance of Pending Death of Print Media” (February 1987)