You can’t talk loudly on your cell phone just because you saw someone else doing it.

If you need help on the computer, do not motion for staff to sit at your computer and say, “Just do it for me.”

If you need help, or have a question, please refrain from grunting your request like a caveman. For example, if you need time on the computer, do not throw your card at staff and say, “Time.” Instead, “May I please have more time on the computer” is a much politer approach, and will likely provide for a more pleasant interaction between you and staff.

Do not argue with staff over a $0.20 fine; it makes you look cheap and is embarrassing for everyone.

Do not let your child pound on keyboards and throw the computer mouse, and then tell staff you can’t do anything about it because he/she “just won’t listen.”

Do not ask to use the phone because it’s an emergency, and then proceed to have a highly personal conversation with the person on the other end of the phone about that new rash.

You paying your taxes does not singlehandedly pay for the library, and furthermore you were in here last week asking about how you could hide money so you wouldn’t have to pay taxes.

No, staff will not help you find games on the Internet.

Don’t ask for help emailing your résumé as an attachment unless you have typed up the résumé. Furthermore, don’t ask for help printing before you are ready to print. In all cases, it is best to ask your question(s) when you are ready to have the question(s) answered.

Staff has no interest in hearing your views on the president’s stimulus package, nor anything else political.

Do not keep track of what kind of cars staff drives; this is both creepy and unnecessary − staff can keep track of their own cars just fine.