Captain Ahab, Ishmael, Queequeg, Starbuck, Stubb, Tashtego, Flask, and Daggoo Zoom into work aboard the Pequod from home. “Possessed by all the fallen angels,” Ahab shares his screen with the team while streaming a video, and, unable to withstand the amount of data consumed by this connection, all the calls drop at once, leaving Ishmael alone to tell the sad tale and hopefully post the meeting minutes later on Slack.
After fourteen years apart, pining for one another and searching in vain for a love that could match what they’d enjoyed as teenagers, Noah and Allie rekindle their romance with a passionate elbow bump in the rain.
The Great Gatsby
Daisy sobs uncontrollably at the sight of Jay Gatsby’s piles of expensive English face masks. “They’re such beautiful face masks,” she sobs, her voice muffled in the thick folds. “It makes me sad because I’ve never seen such — such beautiful face masks before.”
Love In the Time of Cholera
Stays exactly the same.
Shunned by her community and living on the outskirts of town, Hester Prynne ends up New England’s sole survivor of COVID-19.
Romeo and Juliet
Not just one, but all scenes between the titular characters take place with one of them up in a balcony and the other on the ground below.
In exchange for salvation from COVID-19 and all the bars being closed and everything, the human race sacrifices their freedom and agrees to a complex interbreeding program with an alien species called the Oankali.
Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone
After Hogwarts moves to an online-only format and students are quarantined in their dorms, Professors Snape and Sprout debate with Professors McGonagall and Flitwick about the advantages of asynchronous vs. synchronous delivery modalities.
The Pillow Book
Just lots of lists of “Things to stream,” “Things to podcast,” “Things to read,” and “Things to cook.”
Odysseus undertakes a ten-year journey home after his flights are all canceled and borders closed due to the pandemic. When he finally makes it back, he finds and subsequently murders a room full of men all trying to Netflix and chill with his wife.
A Room of One’s Own
Stays exactly the same.
The Joy Luck Club
After unsuccessfully experimenting with Skype and Google Hang Outs, the members of the Joy Luck Club eventually find success with a group video conference on Zoom.
Pride and Prejudice
Mr. Bennet must locate a well-to-do husband for at least one of his five daughters so that he can legally bequeath to a male heir his vast wealth of canned goods and Clorox wipes.
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Evacuated to the countryside for their safety, a group of precocious children wanders around a large mansion until they discover a wardrobe that leads them to a magical world where schools and restaurants are open, Amazon isn’t out of everything — even salad tongs, and everyone has health insurance.