Congratulations on the new arrival…
Just wait until you get to the point I’m at: I basically wake up, pour myself a drink, go out to the patio, light a cigarette, and try to figure out which kids in the pool are mine and from what marriage. On a good day, I remember not to jump in with my smokes in my pocket.
It was great seeing you when we were in town…
When we got home we followed your lead and made friends with a black woman from the condo right across from ours and now we’re the multi-cultural toast of Vista Del Sol. We’re also meditating and we’ve enrolled in a Thai cooking class. Keep it real, you guys. See you again soon.
Congratulations on the promotion…
That’s got to be a sweet feeling. Fat checks, cognac, and imported cigarettes at eleven in the morning. Never mind all the sweet ladies lounging around your houses asking you for a little breakfast money and maybe cab fare home. You cross date lines hung over and never know what time it is. Oh, man, I want to get a little piece of what you have. I don’t know if I deserve it, but I want it so bad I can taste it. Let me know if you quit.
Congratulations on tying the knot…
You two are both incredible people and I can’t imagine two better… well… better-looking people when it comes down to it. I don’t know if I’m saying this right… but I think you’re both hot. I mean, I’m not gay or anything… but it’s like I DIG BOTH OF YOU. God, I don’t know, maybe I’m bisexual? I never really thought about it. I’m not sure what this all means for the three of us, but, you guys, I want you to know it’s from my heart. Okay… anyway. Congratulations and best of luck.