This nanny-turned-writer wrote A Vindication of the Rights of Woman and was every inch the proud mum when she welcomed daughter Fanny into her life. With an adorable little baby in tow, Mary was truly happy and reportedly pleased with her new mummy curves. Did we mention she wrote another book whilst nursing her gorgeous baby? Talk about having it all! After splitting with Fanny’s father, Mary struggled as a single mum but dreamt of finding love again. Just when she least expected it, William Godwin came into her life and after a few bumps made Mary the most radiant of brides. The two lovebirds were over-the-moon to welcome a second perfect baby and reveal her adorable name — Mary! Once little Mary joined big sister Fanny, Mary W’s life was hectic as ever but she was reportedly elated and feeling very grateful and incredibly blessed. She died eleven days later from childbirth complications.
Sorry Henry Percy! Anne’s heart was stolen away by none other than Tudor heartthrob Henry VIII. The lovebirds were so smitten that they secretly eloped — clearly they just couldn’t wait to start domestic blissin’ together. But even marrying the King of England wasn’t enough for this Marvellous Marquess, because all Anne really ever wanted was an adorable little baby. “If I don’t have a baby,” Anne is rumoured to have said, “then I believe I have made a mistake.” Happily, Anne needn’t have worried. Baby Elizabeth came soon afterwards and as busy as Anne was, little Lizzie became the centre of Anne’s hectic life. In fact she felt so blessed and enjoyed being a mum so much that she immediately wished to give little Lizzie a baby brother. Isn’t that the sweetest? Hank and Annie tried valiantly to have another baby. “I know there will be a light at the end of this dark tunnel,” Anne is said to have confided to her sister Mary about her fertility struggles. Sadly, Anne was only able to have one baby. We feel you, Anne!
The Ptolemaic Princess who historians gushed about as “captivating” and “the reincarnation of Isis” won the hearts of not one but TWO Roman emperors with her famous intelligence, passion and signature style. But what really motivated Cleo to wrap herself in a carpet to meet Julius Caesar? Most likely, it was that she and her husband/brother Ptolemy XIII did not have any babies together. So frustrating! That and the fact that Ptolemy drove her into exile inspired Cleopatra to find love again, this time directing her affections towards the man who would give her what she most wanted in life — an adorable little baby. After Caesar’s assassination, Cleopatra was heartbroken and convinced that she’d never find love again. But Mark Anthony made her the most radiant of Pharoahs and the two welcomed three more bundles of joy. You can just imagine how hectic and busy Cleopatra’s life was after that, but it was all worth it because of the children.
Which 7th century BCE singer/songwriter rocked Lesbos and is the only woman to be enshrined in the canon of the Library of Alexandria? Just joking — everybody knows it’s Sappho, whose Ode to Aphrodite squeaked past the Middle Ages along with a fragment of parchment that tellingly contains just the words “wedding gifts.” Distracted much, Sappho? We totally feel you! It’s so frustrating that we know so very little about Sappho, one of the greatest lyric and love poets ever. But here’s what we do know — that nothing in Sappho’s hectic life could have prepared her for the love and joy she felt when little daughter Cleïs1 came along. Sappho was reportedly very pleased with her new curves, according to Aeolic friends, making her the most radiant and proudest of mums.
Robert Graves said that one of the functions of myth is to justify an existing social system. We’re not entirely sure what he meant by that but Venus was surely the proudest busy radiant glowing mum of all, with many adorable babies both divine and mortal. What a hectic time they must have had getting everyone to the dinner table! Put away your iPhone Eros! Aeneas eat your Ambrosia! No apples before dinner The Graces!
Thanks to Science, we now know that the busiest proud hectic glowing radiant stunning effortlessly glamorous mum who wore minimal makeup lived 100,000 to 200,000 years ago and had adorable little baby girls. Some people confuse Mitochondrial Eve with Biblical Eve, who had adorable little baby boys. Either way, this Mum, best known for her role in progenerating modern humanity, was elated to show off her baby bumps and her new curves and her gorgeous babies. “The babies are my entire world,” Eve reportedly told her Homo heidelbergensis BFF. “I am in love! Feeling elated and grateful and so incredibly blessed.”
1 Cleis might also have been Sappho’s young lover, depending on how one translates from the ancient Greek.