“Per My Last Email”
As you all can see,
I have already done this.
Read my damn emails.
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“Reply All”
Seriously, guys!
Who is Brian in HR?
Congrats on five years.
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“Pre-Meeting Huddle”
I will not attend.
Because I don’t want to come.
Have fun without me!
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“Just a Reminder”
Hello, are you there?
You’re wasting my fucking time.
Answer me, okay?
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“Excellent Idea”
Let’s hear from others.
You are hogging the meeting.
Please stop talking, Dave.
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“No Worries If Not!”
But I am worried.
I need the final slide deck.
Do your fucking job.
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“Mental Health Day PTO Request”
If it’s bad timing,
I can move this new breakdown,
and sob at my desk.
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“I Must Have Missed That”
I didn’t miss it.
Your request doesn’t matter.
I’ll reply never.
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“Let Me Check My Bandwidth”
I cannot do it.
Stop asking me to do it.
I don’t want to, k?
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“How Are You?”
I super don’t care.
Oh, wow, another picnic?
Just murder me, please.