When you’re born with a vestigial twin attached to your body, wearing the latest fashions can be a challenge. Do you highlight your twin or hide it? Does it need to breathe? Can it wear stripes?

The first thing one must consider is the disposition of your parasitic twin, not only its placement, but its temperament, if it is sentient.

Most parasitic twins protrude from the host twin’s midsection. Sometimes it’s just a head, sometimes a profusion of dangling limbs with the head seeming to peer, ostrich-like, into the host twin’s chest cavity as if looking for its glasses.

Sometimes you’ll want to hide your kuato, say, for a job interview (non-circus-related) or if you’re meeting your boyfriend’s parents and you’d like to hold off on the kuato reveal till after the brunch plates are cleared away. In this case, empire waists are your friend. They provide room around the stomach and allow for ventilation and easy access in case your twin needs to eat. Other options are billowy blouses, boxy suit jackets, or, if you’re really fashion forward, a cape.

If you have another head protruding from your head, you would do well to invest in hats. Sombreros and cloche hats are stylish choices. Turbans less so but they certainly do the trick, and will work for fashionistas with a natural flair for drama. For the extra bold, fascinators are an option, but take care to incorporate your genetic aberration into the look so it won’t seem out of place.

But what if you want to highlight your organic passenger? Matching sweater sets are one way. Perhaps the tank for your twin, if it has shoulders, and the sweater for you. Or wear all white or all black and use your kuato to display a splash of color. Conversely, if you don’t want it to steal the show, a signature necklace will draw the eye away from the freakish tiny body sprouting from your stomach.

Some parasitic twins are lodged in the back. If that is the case for you, you may choose a sexy leather corset, one that will lift and separate whatever limbs are protruding, especially if your twin is grabby, prone to knocking items off shelves in the grocery store when your back is turned. Kuatos can be mischievous!

Overall, know your own proportions and the proportions of your twin. A smooth silhouette may be a pipe dream, but lucky for those of you who are nature’s mistakes, asymmetry is in vogue.

Just make sure it’s not too much of a good thing. A little goes a long way when you’re an abomination.

One final note: Body-shaping undergarments are probably out of the question. But the good news is, if you’re packing extra pounds, most people will be more distracted by a particular fleshy deposit lurking beneath your rib cage to notice your overall weight. And, if you treat yourself to an extra dessert, you have a cover story built-in. Literally!