“Why Pee?” – Girl in my 5th-grade class

“Yipee!” – Girl in my 9th-grade class

“Iman” – Girl in my 11th-grade Oxbridge program who was a part-time model

“Yasmin” – Old lady who lived in the building where I grew up

“Emu,” “Pengu,” “Penguin” – Friends who like animals

“Peng Peng” – Friends from college

“Peanut butter Peng Peng!!!” – Friends from college when drunk

“Demon” – Bros on my college orientation trip

“Semen” – Friend’s drunk boyfriend when he met me for the first time

“彭奕敏” – Chinese customs officials

“Bao Bao” – My parents and extended family

“Big Bao” – My younger cousin

“Yì Mǐng” – Co-workers trying really hard

“Yemen” – Co-workers hardly really trying

“You/ya mean” — Co-workers who might not actually be talking to me, or Justin Bieber in 2015

“A content strategist,” “Someone will fill in the content” – Senior-level male co-workers

“Hey you” – Guys on first and second dates, maybe even third

“Chink,” “Yellow,” “Fob” – Racists, beauty brands, and bullies

“Liman,” “Emen,” “Emmmin,” “Yimia,” “Aemiln,” “Yelks,” “Yeffems,” “Ygritte” (I wish), “Yeastiness,” “Yokefellow,” “Yohimbine,” “Yeeaawouchie,” “Yams,” “Immeuble,” “Immenesemnsu,” “Mensies,” “Eminent,” “Yikes,” “Eiessapartyinhere,” “Electriczoo,” “Intidudiating,” “Idgaf,” “Ejifoijqnjkds,” “Yiekjuekrhejkwlqbhdjsalfkds,” “Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwygogogoch,” “Amy” – Starbucks

“You should get an American name” – People I don’t know anymore

“E-min” – Me