Hello and welcome to my home. Yes, I did answer the door extremely quickly, thank you for noticing. I was just here inside, sitting quietly in my cozy reading nook. Oh, hadn’t you heard? I have a reading nook now.

Surely you’ve all seen the viral TikTok videos, where somebody rips out their closet and turns it into something completely useless for no discernible reason? Well, I recently transformed the entryway coat closet that we regularly used and required into a pointless tiny alcove, so now I can sit just by the front door with no windows or view at all to awkwardly await visitors. No, I cannot take your coats — what am I going to do with those? Hang them? Where? It’s a reading nook, Carole. Don’t be an idiot.

Have you ever walked into somebody’s house and immediately thought, “My GOD, I need to read Moby Dick right now in this very hallway or I will straight up die”? Me too, friend, and after a year in lockdown, four relatively serious nervous breakdowns, and an obnoxious amount of home renovation videos on Tik Tok, I decided to do something about it. Hence, my reading nook. I finally had the time, energy, inspiration, and emotional instability to transform my entryway into one that I personally can be proud of, and that forces everyone I know to truly dread visiting me.

Were you hoping for a relaxing time in my humble abode? Well, I’m afraid that just won’t be the case, my dear guest. It’s chilly outside, and we no longer have anywhere for your coats to be hung, so you will be juggling them uncomfortably, accidentally dropping them onto the floor, and awkwardly dipping a sleeve in your food for the entire evening. Even drinking a glass of wine is about to be a hassle, as you will be lugging around so many items that taking a sip will be like a giant game of Tetris that you never wanted to play.

Go on, try it out. Sit in my reading nook. It’s made from a basic entryway coat closet, so it certainly isn’t spacious or comfortable in any way, but if you enjoy perching on the very edge of a shoddily made bench, you’ll love it. Plus, you’ll finally have an answer to the question, “What if I go to somebody’s house for dinner and instantly experience an overwhelming desire to read the fourth Harry Potter book?” That’s assuming that you brought that award-winning classic with you, of course, because my reading nook is not big enough to a bookshelf, so it’s very much a BYOB situation. Just think — another thing for you to carry!

Anyway, I’m terribly sorry to cut the evening short, but I must get back to my next passion project. I’m ripping out all appliances and transforming the kitchen into an empty meditation room. FINALLY, a place to think!