Steve rated it
Here’s my problem: I feel like I’ve heard this all before. The being twenty, being thirty, being forty, having emotions, etc etc etc. The being a person with person-things going on. It’s trite and kind of a drag. It’s almost like I was expecting an utterly different life form like perhaps an owl or maybe a dolphin grafted onto a lawnmower but — just as was promised — I ended up with a person. Really disappointed. Harsh, I know, but look if I’m not honest in my reviews, how will my three followers trust anything I say about other people (which will also be incredibly harsh and shot through with basic spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors)?

Jessica rated it
Highly Instagrammable.

Roberta rated it
Is that how you fight with your husband?! BO-RING. Although I really did appreciate how he just looked confused the whole time, like he had never seen her before in his life. Regardless, will not be recommending to the ladies in my weekly life club.

Marcie rated it
I know everyone is raving about this lady so I hate to say it but I don’t really get why. I was going to keep my Debbie Downer comments to myself but then I remembered that’s not how the internet works. All I kept thinking was THIS IS MIDLIFE-CRISIS-DRIVEN AF and not QUITE AS EMOTIONALLY DEEP NOR FANCY as this person wants you to believe. I’m going to rate this person three stars — which will be sufficient for luring her into reading this review — but every word will be highly consistent with a 1-star review. This isn’t a charity you know.

Meredith rated it
Are those her twins? Wow. Why are their heads so large? Must be ‘heads only a mother could love.’ No thanks.

Louisa rated it
That flatware pattern is awful. One star is for my genuine surprise that her silverware drawer isn’t filled exclusively with plastic takeout forks, chopsticks, and McDonald’s ketchup packets (which is to be expected, just look at her.)

Alan rated it
I’d like to thank her creator for giving me her heart and soul for free in exchange for an honest review. I poked the heart with a dirty stick and then rolled it in coarse salt, completely coating it. It shrunk and convulsed but otherwise didn’t do much. Her soul was actually easier to squish and kick but surprisingly also more resilient. Either way, I found the entire experience disappointing and I plan to follow up with a more thorough and humiliating review at a later date.

Lucinda rated it
Whew, is that her real hair? Like, on purpose? I just don’t get it. I guess I’m just not a haircut person or a person who understands individuality or who is open at all to how other people do things and/or how they see the world. I want things 100% tailored to my specific point of view and reflective of exactly what is happening in my life RIGHT NOW even though that haircut was an idea she probably had months if not years if not possibly decades ago. So many people are saying they like her haircut but, yeah, not me. I don’t get it!

Roxanne rated it
This person ‘seemed’ to have all the elements I usually love in a person (which is why I gave her three stars) but my heart just wasn’t into her. I have no idea why. It could just be me. LOL just kidding, it’s obviously her. Also: she should watch her drinking. It wasn’t believable.

Owen rated it
I am a dog hater from way back but I thought I’d give her dog a try. This dog is exactly why I don’t like dogs. It was very dog-like and exhibited dog-like qualities. It smelled, acted like, and in every way behaved like a dog. I wanted to give this dog negative 5 stars but that’s not allowed so 1 star will have to suffice. Whatever it takes to completely tank her average rating is what I’m here for. Have I mentioned I hate dogs but then chose to actively seek out a dog and then rate my experience with that dog?

Dawn rated it
Interesting choice of career but frankly not believable that any reasonable human being would choose a profession that invites strangers—some with precious little mastery of the English language or even basic good manners—to regularly comment on his or her or their levels of talent and overall worth as a person. Like why would you do something that other people could review negatively and tag you in so you were sure to see every excruciating and soul-obliterating word? Doesn’t make any sense! Hard pass.