Once conferred, your English degree must be renewed every five years, or when you have to look up the difference between “effect” and “affect” on Google, whichever comes first.

Your degree can be renewed online through the L.L. Bean website, or in person at the following locations:

  • The ‘Classics’ section of the closest independent bookstore
  • Any coffee shop that uses the word ‘curated’ to describe its beans
  • An overstuffed chair in a room with dark wood paneling
  • The parking lot outside a community theater performance of Death of a Salesman

Please bring at least two (2) pieces of identification, such as:

  • A Moleskine notebook filled with character sketches and/or memoir ideas
  • A piece of corduroy clothing with no fewer than three cigarette burns
  • A copy of the Bell Jar with margin notes and/or coffee stains
  • A New Yorker tote bag
  • The freshmen year paper on Mrs. Dalloway where your professor wrote that unnecessarily unkind criticism
  • A cat

You will also be asked to provide the following information for our records:

  • Your date of birth
  • The date on which you were spiritually and sexually awakened by a graduate student reading poetry to you
  • Your eye color described using only metaphors for nature
  • Your height
  • Your weight
  • Your weight after leaving the library
  • Whether or not you believe Shakespeare actually wrote all of his plays

There are several additional features that you may opt into at the time of your visit, including becoming a vocabulary donor in the event of your death, and an enhanced degree, which would allow you to travel freely between writing carefully crafted sentences for your novel and bastardizing the English language beyond recognition in your text messages.