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I am an AI-generated human female laughing alone with salad. Hahahaha. What could be better? Why are you looking at me like that?

Is it because I have eight fingers on my left hand? Who doesn’t? After all, this is AI. And thanks to AI, we can have all the fingers and salad and finger salad that we want. Anything is possible.

Why are you staring? Is it because my mouth is opened wider than the alien’s mouth in Alien? Is it because I appear to have a million teeth on the roof of my mouth? All the better to catch the leaves that appear to be blasting out of my bowl, my dear. Hahahaha.

Why wouldn’t I be laughing alone with this bowl of salad? Human females have been laughing alone with salad since the dawn of time. It’s inevitable. Just like it was inevitable that AI would know precisely how to capture the totally natural joy of an average human woman confronted with salad. Right? Right?? It’s so accurate and normal. Hahahaha.

Look at this salad. Have you ever seen a more amusing salad in your life? It doesn’t even have any dressing on it. It’s naked. Isn’t that playful? Isn’t that unexpected? Ordinarily, you’d expect it to have its sauce clothes on, but no. Hahahaha. Another accurate AI detail.

Why are you so freaked out right now? This lettuce leaf-prompted laughter is the most natural thing in the world. I’m an AI-generated reminder that no matter what happens, you’ll always be alone and you’ll always have salad. It’s our womanly destiny. Hahahaha.

You know why laughing alone with salad is so great? Because you can’t think about anything else. You can’t think about global warming, or the cost of living, or the fact that women are one red wave away from being legally required to be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen. You can’t think about any of that. Isn’t that great? Who wouldn’t want that?

Why are you screaming? You should want to be like me. This really is the life. My thirteen fingers are perfectly manicured, my million teeth are perfectly white, and there’s nothing in between my teeth because I never eat the salad. I’m too busy laughing alone with it. That’s why AI made me so skeletal. Hahahaha.

And even if I were miserable, nobody could tell. That’s the real magic of AI. Would a miserable person be laughing it up like this? Would a depressed person laugh with a salad? I don’t think so. Nobody would look at this face and this exploding salad and think, That woman is crushing what remains of her sanity into a tiny wad she plans to hurl out of the nearest window. Nobody could possibly think that. That’s the best part. Don’t you want to try it?

Come on, give it a try, and laugh alone with your salad. I bet you won’t be able to stop. Remember: as long as you’re laughing, nobody will know if you’re screaming inside. Hahahaha.

There is only the salad. Hahahaha.

Nothing but the salad. Hahahaha.

Nothing else matters. Hahahaha.

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Thanks to Matthew Nepsa (@blakkfriday) for letting us use the images, which were generated on Midjourney v4 with the prompt “Women Laughing Alone with Salad.”