So what really happened that day your friend beat you at Words With Friends? Let’s just for a moment speculate, shall we?

First we have the epileptic seizure at 12:15 PM inside the Starbucks, distracting the barista making your triple grande espresso, lukewarm, with room. Your attention is captivated by this horrifying public incident occurring before your very eyes, and while you watch, your friend slips to the unisex bathroom in the rear of the building. Your iPhone remains in your hand, forgotten, the Words With Friends main screen still visible.

But the door is locked. Your friend doesn’t panic. She swiftly exits the Starbucks while you remain entranced. In fact she goes through the fence behind the Starbucks, seen only by the late Mr. Lee Bowers in the watchtower of the rail yard. Now she has the best position of them all. AT&T actually has reception in this particular area. Your friend has walked the plaza. She knows every inch. She has calibrated her WiFi for the Starbucks hotspot. She has practiced on other friends. She is ready.

You finally look down at your iPhone. It’s your turn. The board is stacked and there’s nowhere to play a word except off the E in BYE, down the lower-right side of the board, near the triple-word scores. You look at your rack of letters and you see DILDO and you laugh to yourself, audibly. The barista looks at you over the counter but you don’t notice her. You play DILDO.

It’s going to be a turkey shoot for your friend. She waits. She waits some more. Words With Friends takes a really long time to update. Several Kaiser Permanente ads appear on her iPhone and she quickly taps through them. She tightens her aim, waiting for the board to load. The first letter is misplaced. A car backfires. Frame 161, you stop waving as you hear something. The barista’s head turns slightly to the right. Frame 193, your Words With Friends begins to try updating, while at the same time, you try to take a sip of your espresso and it’s way too hot even though you ordered it lukewarm. Frame 225, your expression turns from discomfort to horror, and the barista can tell you’ve been hit, you’re clutching at your throat with one hand and holding your iPhone up to your face with the other. Frame 232, the pop-up notification displays, showing that your friend has won this Words With Friends game, and as you start choking, you pull downward and forward. Frame 238, the barista shouts, “My God! They’re going to kill us all!” Maybe she’s having a nervous breakdown. Frame 313, here we see your face, stricken with anguish. This is the key shot. Your friend played KILN for sixty points on the double-letter and triple-word score from the front and the right. You pull your iPhone back and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

So, what happens then? Pandemonium.