Last Names That Are More Common Than My Own, According to the Census Bureau

by Seth Kolloen

Crisafulli
Zwickl
Penix
Luttenegger
Froschheiser
Dabdoub
Gothro
Mutschelknaus
Schrumph
Schroot
Schremp
Kraskouskas
Bitler

As little as $1 a month ($12 a year!) goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.

Become a patron

Trending 🔥

April 30, 2020

The Girl From Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi” Responds 18 Years Later

by Madeleine Trebenski
June 26, 2020

A Message from Your University’s Vice President for Magical Thinking

by Juliana Gray
June 24, 2020

Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-759

by Ben Parker, Stephanie Steinbrecher, Kelsey Ronan, John McMurtrie, Sophia DuRose, Rachel Villa, and Amy Sumerton
June 22, 2020

I’m the Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood and I Have You Right Where I Want You

by Ilana Gordon

Recently

July 3, 2020

The Fourth of July: Myth vs. Fact

by Sarah Hutto
July 3, 2020

We Apologize That Instead of July Fourth Bunting, We Accidentally Shipped You a Box Full of Snakes

by Rebecca Saltzman
July 3, 2020

Of Plague and Plenty

by Wendy Johnson
July 3, 2020

It’s Time to Sign the Declaration of Independence, and I, Elbridge Gerry, Will Have the Biggest Signature of All

by Zack Mast

Throughout July, we’re donating $2.50 to Gender Justice LA for every copy we sell of Emerson Whitney’s Heaven. GJLA is led by and for Non-binary, 2S, Trans, Black, Indigenous, POC, and has been working to build a strong grassroots multi-racial coalition of transgender people and allies to advocate for our rights, win concrete improvements in our lives, and challenge oppression for the last 18 years. Support trans lives, and read this powerful memoir today.

LEST WE FORGET THE HORRORS

Last Names That Are More Common Than My Own, According to the Census Bureau

by Seth Kolloen

Actual Titles of Résumés Posted by Job Seekers on a San Francisco-Area Website

Proposed Hobbies for My Friend Stan’s Mom and the Reasons They Were Scrapped

Suggested Reads

Trending 🔥

Recently