Feng shui: Lives in shack furnished entirely with inflatable furniture.

Breeding chinchillas: Already breeds Chihuahuas.

Avon lady: Losing teeth from scurvy.

Local politics: Was arrested for firing gun into air to scare off trespassing journalists.

Couples’ motorcycle club: Husband in state psychiatric hospital/prison after shooting at and missing religious cult leader.

Dining out: Always brings her own potato.

Knitting: Was a Branch Davidian in the 80s.