Do you have a friend or family member destroying their life, as well as the lives of everyone they encounter? Then we would like to cater your next intervention.

Whether you are orchestrating the meeting on behalf of someone else, or your personal shortcomings have gotten out of control and you sense your loved ones are planning a sit-down, we can help with an array of fares from finger snacks to seven-course meals. At Intervenues, we bring the combined experience from over 50 interventions, our employees having been on both sides of the finger pointing, to tailor a personalized menu for your particular imperfections.

Sometimes in life we make bad decisions. Such as the time our CEO, Bill, posed as a washroom attendant to frisk patrons for drugs while de-linting them. Bill learned two valuable lessons: 1) stealing drugs while pretending to de-lint strangers is harder than buying one’s own drugs by holding down an actual job, like caddies, or bankers; and 2) three-hour interventions would run much smoother if there were buffalo wings or deviled eggs to nibble on while everyone relayed hardship tales of being let down by the offender.

Bill is better now, and your intervention will be better with one of our Addiction Recovery Packages, featuring an array of meats, cheeses and gluten-free options. We can accommodate up to 150 guests if you have a lot of people participating in the judgment process, including a sit-down dinner, raw bar, or a pig roast.

One reason food traditionally is not served at interventions is that tables and chairs are often overturned. At Intervenues, we provide backup trays in case the first course gets hurled across the room. An arrangement of mini puffs with feta-chicken filling suddenly propelled at the father-in-law? Before you can tackle the intervened and pin their arms and legs to the floor, our staff will be passing trays of prosciutto-melon balls, riblet sliders and assorted tarts. Although our servers, savvy with intervention procedures, will not participate in the shaming portion of your evening, they will keep tabs on the serving utensils so they cannot be used as weapons. We typically suggest an all-spoon format at our functions.

But don’t just take our word for it—and you really shouldn’t since most of us are reformed felons with pathologically deceptive pasts. Read this testimonial from an Intervenues client:

“I discovered my family and employees were staging an intervention. Admittedly my gambling had gotten the best of me and I’d lost most of my company’s revenue. I hadn’t paid my employees in months. I let what was left ride on the Giants to cover on Sunday, when the intervention was scheduled. I had Intervenues cater it since everyone in the room unknowingly had their paychecks invested in the outcome, and though no one thanked me, I noticed most of the appetizers were gone by halftime. As it turned out, it was the last time I saw most of those people, and it was a nice sendoff. Thank you, Intervenues.”

We have many testimonials like that. Three, to be exact. Regrettably, due to our staff history, we are not licensed to cater weddings, bar mitzvahs, corporate events, anniversary parties, or anything within 500 yards of a school, so no proms. But if you’re hosting an event at which people are gathering to recount how much they’ve disappointed one another, before one of you is shipped off for professional development, then we’d like to provide the sustenance that will make your last moments together memorable.

Strictly BYOB.