Guys, I want you all to meet Joe. He’s the new head of social media and marketing strategy here at Bubble Trouble Laundromat. A few months ago we commissioned Joe for a study, and he concluded that we’re losing loads of potential revenue without a web presence. As a result, we’re proud to announce the rollout of our new social media strategy.

Joe says that virtually every successful player in the laundry game uses social media to draw and maintain customers. All the big names—Tide, Downy, and even those stingy bastards across the street at Posh Wash. According to Joe, the Internet has changed the behavior of modern-day consumers, and an active social media is the best way to attract new customers and ensure brand loyalty. Double Bubble patrons are no exception, so with Joe’s help, we’ll add a new social media layer to our marketing strategy. We’ll need full employee participation to get this into the fold.

It all starts with our updated website. We’ll solicit customer testimonials and stories, like posts about our regulars who have terminal illnesses or rare psychological disorders. Really inspirational stuff, like a laundry-centric Upworthy. Our website will show that we’re all about the customer, or something, and it will really set us apart from the five other laundromats on this block.

Instead of repairing dryer number fourteen, we’re investing some funds with Joe’s website team, which includes developers, writers, and photographers to spin out our superior suite of “comprehensive laundry solutions,” as Joe calls it. So all you guys need to start brainstorming on what distinguishes Bubble Trouble from the rest. So far I’ve thought of our new sorting tables, but there has to be more.

Next is a killer Facebook page that captures the essence of Bubble Trouble’s collegial atmosphere and friendly staff. Employees, I can’t stress this enough, please get on Facebook and visit our page. Tell your friends to like us. Tyler, you’re a college student, you must have an idea about these things.

Most importantly, tell customers that they can get cool benefits from visiting our Facebook page. It’s all very technological. I plan on snapping some action shots during the workday, but none of Min after her twenty-hour Saturday shift. That’s not the image we’re going for. No offense, Min. But if anyone sees a good-looking customer, take her picture and give it to me—I’ll deal with legal issues later. Better to beg for forgiveness!

We’ve also launched our Twitter handle, @bubbletrouble2014, to update our followers on holiday hours, new happenings, and cool facts about laundry. For now we’re just retweeting @Wisk, but who knows where it could go.

This is such an exciting time, guys.

The final piece is LinkedIn. Again, something I encourage all employees to use. Min and Tyler: Both of you should start profiles and endorse each other. Tyler, you can endorse Min for “Washing and Folding Laundry.” Min, please endorse Tyler for “Cashiering” and “Customer Service.” Do you see how it all connects?

This is a group effort, folks. I’m confident that with Joe’s help we’ll cycle into many profitable quarters ahead!