Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
Lines Not Used in Coors Light’s “Accomplishments” Advertising Campaign.
I have completed 300 hours of community service.
I have eaten Alpo out of the can.
I have slept with my second cousin. Twice.
I have photocopied my penis and sent it to my buddy’s mom.
I have had a recurring role on the TV show Cops.
I have become a Girls Gone Wild Gold Member.
I have drunk the recommended eight glasses of water in a day. Bong water.
I have dated a girl for her brains. Her big, lactating brains.
SUGGESTED READSThe First Draft of My New Bud Light Commercial
by Dan Moore (3/19/2010)
List: Additional Improvements to the Coors Light “Cold Activated” Beer Can
by Marco Kaye and Sloan Schang (6/23/2011)
Monologue: I Am the Masked Vigilante of Bud Light’s Whatever, USA
by John Leh (8/18/2015)
RECENTLYIf Women Wrote Men the Way Men Write Women
by Meg Elison (10/25/2016)
About the Sinkhole in the Adjunct Faculty Lounge, and Other Mid-Semester Announcements
by Tom Batten (10/25/2016)
List: 10 Signs Your Partner Plans to Name Your Baby Something Horribly Unconventional
by Rachel Callman (10/25/2016)
POPULARWhen My Grandkids Ask Me What I Did to Fight American Fascism, I’ll Proudly Tell Them I Tweeted a Few Times
by Sam Spero (10/19/2016)
Moderately Motivated Gen-Xer for Hire
by Melissa Janisin (10/18/2016)
Thanks, Cindy, for Making Eye Contact Through the Bathroom Stall and Making It Super Awkward During the Department Productivity Meeting
by Anna Kemp (10/14/2016)