Wear a funky hat while you’re not having sex. It will make you feel carefree and sexy.

Read only the preface of the Kama Sutra. It’s a historical text and will enrich your life experiences in countless ways.

Chew on some mint leaves before you don’t have sex. This will make your mouth feel refreshed and clean for all the cool air you’ll be breathing in.

Try talking dirty to the sad, sad face in the mirror. Dirty talk is exciting and surprising and it echoes in the empty spaces.

Rub an ice cube on your nipples before you go to bed alone. Let the melting ice form a big wet spot under you.

Use a fake name while you’re fantasizing about receiving the touch of another human. Who’s that exciting flirt? It’s you!

Make a game of trying to score points by successfully throwing your un-needed birth control pills through a small hoop. Reward yourself with one jumbo marshmallow every time you make it in.

Every time you get aroused and do not have intercourse, put a dollar in a jar. Soon you’ll be able to go to the movies alone for free!